Purified - Bennoda

Chapter Four

"Ches, we're almost there," I was shaken by Mike, his face full of concern and curiosity. "I noticed you looked really uncomfortable in your sleep and we're almost to the hotel, so I figured I should wake you."

"Thanks, Mike," I gave him a weak smile, my heart still thudding loudly in my chest, I'm surprised my heart hasn't given out from the anxiety. With a terrible nightmare, I wondered what I was doing in my sleep to appear uncomfortable.

"You were grinding your teeth together and saying no," He answered the questions in my head and it caught me off guard. I nervously laugh, shrugging it off. He sighed and gestured towards my bunk. "You destroyed the bed too."

I glanced and saw all of the blankets scrambled and bunched together, the fitted sheet entirely off the mattress, a pillow on the floor. Mike visibly swallowed hard and bit his bottom lip, clearly waiting for me to say something. Growing anxious, my fingers fiddled with each other, desperately searching for a distraction. I wasn't sure what to say to Mike, there was no way I could tell him I was reliving my past through my nightmares - a past that included getting repeatedly molested and beaten by a child just a few years older than me. Swallowing my pride, just a little bit, I needed to tell Mike something, anything.

"I'm sorry, Mike. I've just been having so many nightmares lately," I admitted like I had earlier, just saying this out loud was hard for me. I hoped Mike would respect that, like he normally did, and not press further.

"Chester," He catches my gaze with his teary eyes, almost instantly destroying my heart. Seeing him upset over my problems gave me the one most dreadful feelings I've ever experienced. He holds my hand like he had earlier in the back room. I wonder if the guys can hear our conversation from wherever they were on the bus.

"I'm sorry," I mutter before he can continue. He squeezes my hands tightly.

"Please, no more apologies. You keep saying sorry for things you can't control, that needs to stop," He said firmly, in a low voice to show he was serious. "I don't need to know what's wrong with you to understand that whatever it is, you blame yourself for it. The first step for you to help yourself is to stop feeling so guilty."

"I don't know if I can, it's like an instinct," I blurt out unintentionally, Mike is the only person I've ever met who can drag the words straight out of me. He pouts a bit at my words, but he doesn't falter.

"We'll work on it together, Ches. I think it's really bad for you to constantly blame yourself," He pointed out and I knew he was right, but it's harder said than done to lessen my anxiety.

"We're there, guys," Brad announced, causing both Mike and I to jump. While we were catching our breath, Brad's expression is puzzled. "Geez, you guys are on edge. What were you doing?"

"Just talking," Mike's response rushed. "We'll grab our bags with you guys in a minute. Could you give us a second?"

"Okay, I guess," Brad smirked a bit while he joined the others outside the bus. I wonder what he thought we were doing.

"Are you going to be okay?" Mike asked once we were alone and I nodded. "Alright, let's join the others before they start jumping to conclusions."

Before I could ask what he meant, he drags me off the bus. We were staying at the Bellagio on the Las Vegas strip, with its own giant fountain and straight across from the replica Eiffel Tower, it was one of the most luxurious hotels in Vegas. While the other members started grabbing their bags from below the bus, people began recognizing us as soon as Mike and I step out to accompany them.

"Hey, you guys are Linkin Park, right?"

"I'm going to your show tomorrow!"

"Holy shit! It's Linkin Park!"