never be the same | g.d

4.

song: all the kids are depressed by jeremy zucker
(highly recommend+put on repeat)

ALYSSA'S POV

i stare at the ceiling, listening to liv her calm breathing while she sleeps. we had talked about the whole grayson situation and as always she had made me feel better. yet i still can't sleep. slowly i push myself up. whenever i can't sleep i love to just look at the night sky, it calms me down. its something i had picked up from grayson, he loved the stars and the sky. the door makes a loud noise making me squeeze my eyes shut. i look around to see liv remaining to sleep, not even hearing all the sounds I'm making. i walk outside and sit down on the porch, looking around the street.

my eyes land on the big house across the street from me, the dolan house. i lived in a small town and most of the people from my school lived very near me. liv her house was three houses away from mine which was perfect. the dolans house being across from mine used to be an amazing thing too. i always came over, it was like my second house. i miss it there. then a light turns on causing me to jump up a bit. it comes from ethans room. ethan and i were never that close despite the fact that we saw each other every day when i came to visit grayson. i get a sudden urge to text him, ask him how he has been, how lisa has been but most importantly how grayson has been. without thinking about it too long i grab my phone and look through my contacts to find ethan his name.

alyssa-
can't sleep either?

i stare at my phone wondering if he will even reply. he will probably find me so weird. when i look back down at my phone i see that he is typing. well that was fast.

-ethan
how did you know?

alyssa-
i saw you turn your light on from my front porch

ETHANS POV

-alyssa
i saw you turn your light on from my front porch

ever since i barely see her anymore i almost forgot she lives across the street from me. i slightly open my curtains and see her sitting on the front porch. i put my phone in the pocket of my sweatpants and put on some shoes. when i open my front door i feel the cold air and immediately shiver. she's wearing shorts and an oversized hoodie, her hair up in a messy bun. i have to admit she looks cute.

my feet carry me closer to her till i stand right in front of her. she looks up at me a bit surprised, i think she didn't expect me to come outside to her. "hey." without really knowing why i whisper these words, as if there is someone near us that shouldn't hear us talking. while we're the only people outside. "hey." she says back just as soft while she taps her hand on the porch next to her as a signal for me to sit down. i look at her for a couple of seconds and then sit down next to her. its been a long time since I've really talked to her, I've missed her. sure we were never that close but i saw her every day. where grayson was she was, they were inseparable. until around three months ago when their friendship ended as quick as it once started.

my eyes land on her, seeing her stare up at the sky. "how have u been?" it stays quiet for a couple seconds until i hear her take a deep breath. "I've been okay." i can barely hear her thats how soft she's talking. her voice sounds so sad. everything about her shows me that she isn't okay, I've known her long enough to know when she looks okay or not. i lay my hand on her shoulder very carefully not wanting to freak her out. she looks at my hand and then back up at me before she sends me a soft smile. "its been a long time huh, how are you and how is lisa?" she asks now speaking a bit louder.

"I've been good, lisa too. we had a really nice summer break, it was really needed after being stuck in that school for so long." a chuckle escapes my mouth and from the corner of my eye i can see a smile form on her face too. i already know that she wants to ask about grayson but i think she doesn't want to bother me with it. or maybe not even bother herself with it. despite her not asking i start talking. "grayson has been a lot more distant lately, I'm kind of worried about him but overtime i ask him about it he says that he is okay and he doesn't know what I'm talking about." i can see her mood swift so quickly when i mention grayson and i immediately regret starting about him. "I'm sorry i shouldn't have-" "no don't worry about it its okay." she cuts me off before i can even finish my sentence.

it goes quiet for a couple of minutes. we both stare up at the sky. "does he like being in the football team again?" her voice sounds soft and vulnerable. "he does, he's great with the people in the team. ever since he left the team it was different, it felt weird being in a team without him."

its true, having him on the team with me feels good in some way i can't explain. our dad learned us how to play football and we both quickly joined the football team. but when our dad passed away about two years ago he stopped playing. he didn't play football for a very long time. until one day alyssa was over and she told him to start playing again. i don't know how she did it but since the talk they had that day he had been even more excited about playing than he had ever been before and he joined the team again.

ALYSSA'S POV

im glad that he plays football again. i remember when his dad passed, he told me he could never play without thinking about his dad again and that it hurt too much. i understood and supported him in that decision, even though i knew how passionate he was about football. more than a year later i brought it up again and we talked about it, i told him that football was a positive thing and that being reminded about his dad wasn't a bad thing. his dad loved football and so did grayson. i guess he found his passion back because he quickly started playing again

the wind feels cold on my bare arms and i shiver causing ethan to look at me once again. "maybe you should go inside, don't want you cold and sleep deprived." a chuckle escapes his mouth. i knew he was right and that i needed to get some rest but talking to ethan felt good. it felt a bit like old times. my head softly leaned against his shoulder. "thank you for talking to me." "of course." his hand rubs my arm. "now get some sleep." he playfully nudges my shoulder. i giggle. "fine fine." i get up and so does ethan. "tell lisa i miss her please, and give her a hug for me." "i will. goodnight lyss" he sends me a quick before he walks back off to his house. "goodnight ethan."

the corner of my lips curve upwards when i walk back into my room letting myself fall on the bed next to liv, who snores softly while sleeping. it was nice talking to ethan. i didn't even realise that I've missed him a lot. seeing him everyday has made me care more about him than i had noticed at first. slowly but surely i drift off to sleep, feeling a bit better than i did before.