OneShots//Frozen Elsa x Fem! Reader

Stars medicine (Imaginary life) part 2

Your P.o.v.

I missed her, but miss nothing at all. I fooled myself and now I have to pay the price. I went on with life and just tried to keep up, but life had other plans. Instead of giving me some time and room to put everything in place inside my head, it made itself a living hell. Everything seemed to go the wrong way, nothing worked out and if I put my everything to it, I would just be left bawling my eyes out in the end.

I feel so left alone, so tired, exhausted really. The heavy feeling pushing on my chest worsening every passing day. I really want to take a break from all this chaos, just a moment to myself, to collect all the fallen pieces and to bring them together again. But I knew that even if I would get that moment, I couldn’t do the collecting by myself. I needed someone to give me a little push, a little guidance. But sadly enough I had no one to do that for me, that was also why she had been there in the first place.

To help me pick up the pieces that fell every day again, just to heal me enough for another day. But eventually, she added pieces to the ones that lay already scattered on the ground around me. Forming a cage from which I didn’t held the key and now the walls are just building up, without being broken down at times.

I’m lost on my own and I need help, but I don’t have the money or time to go see a therapist. Or was that just an excuse to avoid thinking I had really gone mad. So I will just have to keep my head up high on my own and show the smile people outside my apartment expect to see.

Today, I had a day off from work, because apparently my boss saw through my smile and send me home. He is truly a good person, but not someone I can go to, to tell my story. Firstly, I didn’t want to, secondly, he would not understand and lastly, I didn’t want to bother him. I’m thankful that he send me away, because I know that working in my condition wouldn’t add that much good to the company.

I sigh as I kicked a stone that lay in front of me on the path. I decided to take a stroll in a nearby park, just to try and take my mind off of things. But it didn’t really work. I held my head down while walking across the path, thinking and thinking and thinking. I watched the long shadows of threes pass by as the sun was going down, slowly letting the moon and the stars take over for the night.

I passed a woman walking her dog while she smiled as she seemed so happy with the clumsy animal. I made myself smaller as I walked past the woman, hoping that by doing this she wouldn’t notice me. And she didn’t, but that was mainly because her back stayed turned towards me. I sigh in relief and continue walking before I arrived at a small clearing in the park where I stood still to admire the beautiful decorated sky above.

The stars had awakened as the moon seemed to have allowed their presence once more. I watch the soft twinkling of far away flames as one caught my eye, one that was falling from the sky. A falling star. I refused to do what my heart urged my to, just because the voices found it childish and stupid. Just because I didn’t actually dare to fight against them, but as I watched the star disappear to the other side of the world, I closed my eyes and wished from the bottom of my heart. “Let me live my imaginary life.”

~*~

I put my shoes at the side of the door, knowing I would otherwise forget where they were before I walked to my bedroom. I was tired and I wanted to sleep, but knew that no matter for how long I would close my eyes, I will never be rested. I let myself fall on the bed, not caring I was still wearing my clothing and my coat. I don’t care if it was uncomfortable, it wouldn’t make a difference.

I looked out of the window that was not covered by the curtains. The outside world was sleeping, the moon soothing people to sleep with its calming light while the stars shielded the people from nightmares. I hope the stars will spare me a wish as I have never bothered them to protect me from nightmares. I had them every night, no matter if it was cloudy or the sky was clear for the stars to see me struggling.