Kleinsen oneshots

I might like Evan Hansen...

Warnings: suicide attempt (kinda)

~~Jared POV~~

I woke up at the annoyingly loud beeping of my alarm clock... Uggghhh, why should I even get up? There will be nothing important in school today. Not that I really care about that. My parents are not home and honestly, they care even less about me. I'm surprised that they haven't beaten me. Yet... Come on Jared! You surely have a reason to live!

Oh! Nah, not my friends for sure... I mean, what friends? I let out a bitter chuckle. My classmates are jerks. Alana is sweet but she... She is just as broken as I am. And she is maybe even deeper in denial of this than me.

Maybe I could reach out for her. Like, talking to her or something... But about what? Come on, the Connor Project is her everything nowadays. And I am one of the huge liars who made that happen. What could I say to her? Hey, I'm glad that you found something that makes you believe that you matter as everybody but I have to tell you that most of it are my and Evan's imagination! Yeah, that would be a great start, how on earth haven't I thought of this earlier?

And Evan? Hehh... He is even worse... He knows that those emails, his memories with Connor, his new family and everything is a big fucking lie! And still...

Like yesterday when I invited him over... I tried to... tried to... I don't know... Remind him of what the real world is like maybe? Or really just wanted to spend more time with him... Without the project or anyting... But... Yeah, all I got is that he basically told me that he needs more emails for the Project so he could help the Murphy's.

Yeah... Help the Murphy's... I saw it... He was doing a tremendous job actually! He got the girlfriend of his dreams! The loving mom and dad who are always there! I don't know why or how or what for, but somehow he managed to get the life he wanted, JUST to help the Murphy's! I mean, honestly! Who cares that he left the real world far behind him a long time ago? His mom, his personality, his life. Me...

It was hard to finally be honest with myself but... The truth is that I only helped him back then to... Because I hoped that... That... That we will get a little closer. Like, that maybe he would notice that I don't wanna be so mean to him. Or that we're not just family friends. Something! I guess it's gotten a little out of hand huh?

Nevermind... I'm good. As always. I will get up, go to school and play the comic relief. Make everyone laugh. That's my purpose, isn't it?

Maybe pack some bath bombs to eat them when I don't have anything witty or funny to say. Yeah, that always works. And obviously, no one thinks about what is inside of them. Not a single 'Maybe he is eating some not exactly healthy chemicals' thought... But hey, if everyone laughs, then my pitiful life is at least a little less insignificant.

Eventually, I really got up and got ready. I hopped in my car and drove to school. I was kinda late so I jogged inside the building. Yeah surprise, I'm not that careless as everybody thinks!

I survived three boring classes alone and as I walked down one of the few always empty hallways to the fourth, I saw Evan talking with Alana. More like arguing actually... Alana stormed off when I got closer so I don't know what they were talking about. He noticed me and started stammering.

"We need more emails okay? Emails showing that he was getting worse."

I chuckled in disbelief. He can't be serious!

"This isn't funny!"

"Oh, I think it's hilarious!" I shrugged "I think everyone would probably think it's hilarious."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he snapped.

"It means you should remember who your friends are" I said in a serious tone. I'm not even sure that he knows what reality is by now.