storytelling

part two

storytelling.

The summer going into fifth grade i reconnected with a childhood friend and we were inseparable for about six years. We still talk to this day and i love him with every beat of my heart.

The first day of fifth grade i taught this one boy every curse word i knew, in both english and spanish. His name was Carl. I ended up having a huge crush on him and he would end up having a huge impact my life several years later.

In fifth grade, my friends and i had just learned about twerking. Every thursday we'd get in front of our lockers and take a picture and say #TwerkTeamThursday.

One of the math and science teachers in fifth grade was really pretty and everyone had a crush on her. Then one day, she never showed up to work again. She had a mental breakdown after her husband left her and got arrested for a DUI.

i started skipping meals in fifth grade because i thought it would make me pretty and skinny like the girls who teased me about being fat/chubby. Despite the way it sounds, this year was really fun for me.

My 6th grade year i joined band and played the oboe. I became really close friends with two girls and we would learn One Direction songs on the oboe. i was first chair at one point.

i mentioned this boy before, Carl. He left school early and came back all happy with his Mcdonalds. He gave me his kids meal toy and i still have it, it was a little green frog with a purple shirt.

i saw my first fist-fight in sixth grade. It was two boys on top of each other during recess at the basketball court. There was literally no teachers around?? i remember just standing against the fence looking in.

My language arts teacher in sixth grade loved giving us free time so she could play minecraft on her computer.

My dad quit his job and began working a new one with lots of hours and it was far away. It really built a wedge in our relationship and i felt like i was raising my sister rather than my parents. They were both working, which i understood, but at the time i was angry i couldn't ride my bike to my friends due to responsibilities at home.

*sensitive content in this memory* There was this boy i had known since the first grade, he was really creepy. For weeks he would give any excuse to sit close to me, touch me, or say weird things. Then one day he came up to my locker after recess and whispered in my ear, "i'm glad you think i'm creepy because now i'm going to r*pe you." I WAS 12. WE WERE 12. And i wasn't the only one who he acted like this towards, he would do these things to me and 2 other of my closest friends. i told my teacher who then told the counselor and principal and i got pulled out of school for a week. i had to sit down in an interview with cops and my principal, it was very scary. i was really embarrassed to tell my parents. Everything ended up okay, we got a restraining order on him and he never touched or talked to me again.

i had my first kiss for in sixth grade. (IT WAS CONSENTED) But the gag is, it was one of my closest girl friends at a sleepover. We would literally french kiss at these sleepovers and we talked about it a couple weeks ago when i came out to her and said, "i thought that's what girls did at sleepovers."

In the summer going into seventh grade, i was playing club soccer at the time. i was playing with a (mostly) Hispanic soccer team in Lake Highlands. We were winning 3-0 and the second half of the game the other team got extremely aggressive and mad at us for winning. They started chanting, "Go back to your hood! Go back to Mexico! You w*tbacks!" i had to ask my mom what that meant.

Seventh grade was really weird for me because i had an instagram and posted like a "tumblr girl" and it seemed liked i had a lot of friends. i literally felt so alone during middle school it was weird. i was in a theatre class and i had to perform a personal monologue and started crying. My theatre teacher ended up being a really nice person and he's like my tio now it's so funny him and my dad are best friends.

During theatre once, my friend read a poem he wrote. He talked about how he felt he could never capitalize the "i" pronoun when talking about himself because he felt he wasn't worth enough. It's stuck with me ever since.

in seventh grade i went through a young thug phase and literally all i listened to was thug and drake on the way to my soccer games. i felt comfort in each car ride. my dad drove my friend mari, my sister, my mother, and i. as we all listened to our own music. drippin by young thug reminds me of this time.

i took a speech class in seventh grade also. i HATED public speaking and for a final we had to do an interview for a job in front of the class. We had to dress nice, our teacher would ask us questions like it was a job interview, and we had to answer as best as we could to sell ourselves. My teacher asked me what my name was AND I STARTED CRYING. i ran out the classroom and went to the restroom and stayed there for the rest of the class.

i also had this really crazy English teacher who would slam her stapler on her desk and say, "IM THE LAWNMOWER! YALL ARE THE GRASS!"

i saw my first drug sell go down in the restroom that year.

In middle school, people would make mean accounts like "@middle.school.hoes" or "@ihate(y/n)" it was so weird. One time someone made an account of me and two of my friends and how much they hated us. And then later someone made a FAN account of me and my best friend.

The summer going into eighth grade was actually really fun. i spent almost everyday at the park with my best friend. We would swing on the swings and just run around. Or we would go to the movies, we were always together regardless. We saw One Direction in concert the night before the first day of school and thought we were so cool.

i had another girl crush on one of my friends and we did everything together for a while. i loved having sleepovers and we would cuddle, it was so pure. i remember we stayed up really late, it was like 6am, and we had the best conversation about how much we loved each other. i knew deep down it wouldn't ever go further than that but i treasured every moment spent with her and tried to move on.

We were required to take a class called Career Pathways. Basically you build the life you want in the future, fix your schedule, pick a career, do research on colleges etc. One time i had told my teacher i wanted to go into photography and she really said, "Oh sweetie, choose something you'll be successful in."

i ran a really inappropriate tumblr blog throughout the year and once left it open on the desktop. My mom ended up finding it and that was one of the most humiliating moments of my life.

i got really depressed that year. There was a lot of things that i hadn't ever told anyone and it just bubbled into an overwhelming sadness. i started skipping class, would cry and leave class, or just beg my parents not to to. i almost absence failed that year. But on instagram everyone saw me and my friends they never knew about anything else.

i had a science class with Carl and one other close friend in eighth grade. i told my close friend, Tristan, how i felt about Carl. Tristan then ended up telling Carl and it was like an unspoken mutual crush. We never spoke on it but he would walk me to class, we'd take cheesy pictures, and hug every time we saw each other. It was a perfect middle school love.

The summer going into my freshman year really shook me. When someone dies, you always remember the messenger. Whoever tells you, they're always going to be that person who broke the news. At least for a while that's how it felt. i remember being on the stairs, saying bye to my grandparents, when my friend called me in tears. She told me Carl passed. For a while, i couldnt believe it but my mom talked to his dad and it became real. I stayed in bed for three days just holding onto that little frog toy he gave me. Time healed a lot, but it's just crazy to think about how fast a life can change. i still see his parents from time to time. Life truly is too short.

That summer i became really close friends with someone i'd learn to hate. He was my first boyfriend. We started off as best friends and were inseparable the later part of that summer was really fun and i spent it with him.

i got high for the first time that summer.