Ma(fia)ttress Firm

Welcome, to the Police.

"Oh look, it's the po-po!" Dazai pointed. Atsushi dropped everything in his hands. It was only his second day here! Was this it? Was this how he died? Sniffing plants was his only crime.

Two people walked in through the front door. One with a lollipop in his hand and a cute little hat. The second was the same raccoon holding individual from the day before.

"Rampo! Poe!" Dazai smiled. "So nice to see you."

"My brother wants to make a pre-order," Rampo, the lollipop holder, said. He looked over at Atsushi. "Dazai, you should fire him. He looks like trouble."

"I knew it," Akutagawa reached under his coat for a gun. "We should just kill him."

"Aku," Dazai spoke firmly. "It's still daylight."

Rampo walked over to Atsushi and pointed his lollipop at him accusingly. "You can't trust anyone that doesn't like sweets," he frowned. Oh, so that's what he meant. Wait. How did he know that?

"Mori didn't like sweets either and you know what happened to him? He-"

Poe rushed over and put a hand over Rampo's mouth. "Don't tell them that!" Rampo licked Poe's hand. "Ehhhh?!" Poe removed said hand, waving it around, trying to dry it off. That was gross. But, it would teach him not to do that again.

"You're scaring the children," Dazai gestured to Atsushi, clearly about to lose his shit. He was so pale his hair looked darker than his skin. "What type of mattress would he like to pre-order? Fill out this form, if you will," Dazai handed a clipboard to Rampo.

"Oh," Rampo raised his eyebrows, "how professional for a criminal," he snickered. "Izaya is going to be pleased to hear this."

"Izaya?" Atsushi tilted his head in confusion. No one paid him any attention.

"How will he be paying?" Dazai smiled.

"The same way he always does," Rampo filled out the paper. "He doesn't like Fyodor's recent developments in town. Oh, and, by the way, have you heard about Victoria's Secret? It seems a new set of Russians are moving in. Perhaps you should give them the standard welcoming party. No?"

"My, my, we have a lot of new shops setting up. Dick's Sporting Goods. Victoria's Secret. What's next? The Funtom Company?" Dazai questioned. A shadow cast over Rampo's face. His childish grin turned into a frown. He bit into his lollipop, crushing it.

"Dazai, you know how I feel about that man."

"Hush now, ever since Dispatch Society closed down it isn't unlikely that The Funtom Company will have a small store here. New faces are interesting, don't you think? Besides," Dazai grabbed the clipboard and rested his hand on Rampo's shoulder, squeezing it tightly within his fingers, "your brother would handle it, wouldn't he?"

"The Eyes of God are watching this town, Dazai," Rampo brushed his hand off of his shoulder. "You better watch yourself. I wouldn't threaten me if I were you. Now, if you'll excuse me," Rampo turned on his heel and walked with a hop in his step to the door. "We have other errands to run, isn't that right, Poe?" Poe followed him out the door. He bowed before exiting.

"Not very friendly, are they?" Atsushi frowned.

"Can I shoot them?" Akutagawa got ready to run after them.

"You're so violent, Aku," Dazai sighed. He handed the emo lord the clipboard. "Run this over to Chuuya, will you? He has to get to work on the mattress." Aku frowned but did as he was told.

"Sushi," Dazai waved Atsushi over to him. Atsushi reluctantly wandered over. Dazai slung his arm around his shoulder and brought their faces closer together. "Don't worry about the other shops okay? I'll give you a list of places to avoid. You've lived here for a while so you might've heard some things. But, if you want to be safe, I wouldn't go out alone. Take Aku with you, okay? We wouldn't want people targetting you just because you're new here."

"People would target me?" Atsushi shuddered at the thought. He was terrible at all things. Self-defense included.

"Oh, yes, people would." Dazai separated himself from Atsushi and pushed him forward. "Now, get back to work, Sushi." He retreated to his office. This left Atsushi alone wondering about his poor life choices. Maybe he should just find a nice girl (or guy), settle down, and forget all about Dazai and this mattress store. He sighed. He just wanted his mattress. He just wanted to go back to his apartment and never come back. Akutagawa hated him. Chuuya was terrifying in any number of ways. Dazai was far too sexy. Atsushi sighed again.

"I just want to go home," he frowned. The phone rang. Atsushi looked around. There wasn't anyone over here to answer it. Should he answer it? But what if it was someone that wanted nothing to do with mattresses? What if this was a gang phone call or something? Atsushi panicked and answered the phone regardless.

"Hello, you've reached the Mattress Firm. This is Atsushi speaking, how may I help you?" Shit. He shouldn't have said his name. There was a laugh on the other side of the phone. A very evil-sounding laugh. It sent chills down Atsushi's spine. Who was this guy?

"The rumors were true. Chuuya picked up another stray." This voice. It sounded familiar. Where had he heard it before? Rampo? Rampo didn't sound so menacing though. He'd also just left the shop. Why would he have a reason to call? "Let's go on a date. I would very much like to get an idea of what you're like. Oh, don't think about refusing. You wouldn't want to know what I'm capable of. I'm not as nice as Dazai, you know?"

"Who are you?" Atsushi asked. The stranger hung up. How was he supposed to know where to go if he just hung up?

"Listen to me when I'm talking to you, shithead." Atsushi jumped out of his skin. He turned around to see Akutagawa standing there. "I asked you who was on the phone."

"I don't know."

"You don't know? Well, what did he want?"

"I'm not sure..."

"You're a fucking idiot. Don't answer the phone. That's my job. You don't know what kind of weirdos are going to call. Do you understand?" Akutagawa's permanent frown was ever permanent still. Atsushi nodded. He didn't want to answer the phone again anyways. That guy was too creepy.