DARLING || A COLE SPROUSE FANFIC

DEAR • AMANDA

amanda,

it's camila

before i start, i don't expect you to forgive me right away or actually at all.

what i've put you through, put cole through, miles, angela, everyone, wasn't fair. it was juvenile, childish. i shouldn't have done that, it was seriously messed up and i cant believe that i actually did that to you considering everything you've been through.

it's true, i did date justin. i did force dylan to cheat on angela with me. i seriously just made it my prime mission to fuck up your life, and i shouldn't have. i should've just fucking talked to you about everything.

it's because i was jealous.

i was jealous of you the second you were introduced to the riverdale cast.

fans loved you instantly, they were obsessed with your character and you yourself. they shipped you with cole/jughead, they cosplayed as you. you always seemed so happy and such a light to everyone. you brightened up a room every time you entered it.

fans seemed to dislike me and veronica, i tried to get them to like me but it took awhile. for you it took you like ten minutes.

so i thought what better way to get fans to like me if i fuck up amandas life right?

i never seemed to realize how dedicated your fans were, how loyal, how they were like family to you.

i should've saw that coming though, you love your fans more than anything and even consider them family. you were so genuine and so real with them. even when you attempted suicide, when you spoke about abusive relationships, coming out as biromantic asexual? you were so so unique and something i couldn't compete with nor compare myself to.

hell even when i got lili to start flirting with cole and got you guys to break up, you had miles by your side and then you guys became the IT couple. you always had happiness everywhere you turned, you even made up with lili?

it seemed like every time i tried to screw up your life, you bounced back. you found a way to continue pushing through and that was something i was never able to do. it just made me mad, i wanted to be just like you.

you're probably thinking why i wanted to be someone who struggled with abusive relationships, anxiety, depression, etc. but it's true that at some point in my life i was hungry for any kind of attention despite what i had to do for it.

like shit i fucking dated the man that made your life a living hell.

what i'm trying to say is i'm sorry.

again i don't expect you to accept this soon or even at all but i cant continue carrying this guilt.

i hope you get this.

camila <3