Becoming Wanted

Chapter 47: Venting To The Stars

I can't fall asleep questions keep swirling though my head. I get up and try to quietly walk down stairs. The stairs creaking every so often. Then on to the back porch. I slide my body under the rails and hang my legs off the side. My gaze shifts up to the stars.

"You said everything would be okay," I feel the words tumble out of my mouth.

"You always seemed to promise," slips out of my mouth again I let it go.

I can't keep holding everything in. One day I'm going to explode from this. Not wanting to tell anyone. Not wanting to feel weak or not in control. One day is going to come sooner than later. And I terrified of if and when that day is going to come.

"I thought you were telling me something good. Or we're you trying to warn me," I say again as my eyes glass over and memories of the rainbow I saw this afternoon start to flood my memory.

Just then I let everything flood out, all of my anger, all of my sadness, everything not holding one thing back. Not even the tears.

"You always said that I you were good then good things will happen to you. What are you saying now? What did I ever do to deserve that," I talk a little louder.

I hear the wood behind me creak but don't bother to turn around. Just then someone comes and sits next to me. Not knowing who it is I shut up. They just wrap there arms around me and I feel like that's all I need. Something to pull me back together again.

"Thank you," I say to the person hugging me.

"Even the strongest people break sometimes," the figure says and I know it's Josh.

"And thank you for that," I add.

"For what," he says seeming really confused.

"For doing something. I'm so use to people just watching with horrified faces. No one ever seems to do anything. But you did," I say meaning every word that comes out of my mouth.

"I couldn't just sit there and watch. It wasn't in my nature," he says still not letting go of me.

We sit there for awhile just looking at the stars. Him slowly letting me go. I lean my head on his shoulder from my complete lack if sleep.

Another creak starts from behind us and Josh's arm quickly goes around me. It must be someone from inside because he relaxes and someone sits in my other side. They grab my hand and intertwines our fingers and I feel the electricity though my body.

I let myself drift as I feel safe for once since he came for me. My eyes drift and theirs must too because we all start to lean back. The wood still warm from the sun the was beaming down a few hours ago. I don't let go of Connor's hand as I lean against Josh. Not wanting to be obvious about what they don't know.

I wake up still in between Josh and Connor. Connor closer to me than I remember. But then again I don't have a vivid memory of last night. I try to get up as queitly as I can as to not wake them up.

I walk back inside the house and up to mine and Jen's room. I walk in thinking that Jen would still be asleep but supriseingly the bed is empty. I take out mediccines and walk back down stairs. I grab a water zoning everything out. I take my pills and can already feel them starting to work. Me becoming happier by the minute.

I walk into the living room and flop on to the couch not knowing what else to do. I throw my feet over the back of the couch then lean my head back so I'm upside down with my hands above my head. Jen comes and does the same.

"Hi," she says looking at me.

"Hi," I say back not feeling like talking much. To be truthful I'm still shaken up from last night.