This Still Happens

Chapter Twenty-Three - Antidisestablishmentarianism: Scott

Gordon's expression drops off his face. "Do you remember a minute ago, when you told me not to say your idea was stupid?" He frowns a little at Lena. "Do you not think there might be... a reason... you felt the need to say that?"

Lena folds her arms. "You tell me."

I chew my nails and watch them both, straightening my back, but leaning on the arm of my chair so that they won't realise I'm shaking. Already, my heart's starting to run, and I really wish it wouldn't. It's my heart's own damn fault it's freaking out here. Going all "conflicted" and "torn".

Fucking Hell. Things that can fuck off? That.

"Well, I should've thought it was obvious," Gordon mutters, sighing heavily as though he's trying to bring up one of his lungs, "I hate her, she hates me, we're as happy as we can be. What did you expect me to say? You're suggesting we ask her to tag along when we go to Mrs Paulson and say, "Can we have a gay old time in one of the classrooms?" Ffion's a homophobe. There's no fucking way she'd agree to it. So, yeah, actually, your idea is stupid."

"You have no idea what she's like," Lena replies, "You've just got this picture of her, one that you yourself have drawn, and you're basing your entire understanding of her off that one picture."

"Yeah, for good reason! She's a homophobe!" Gordon retorts, words slopping one over the other over the other, lazily, as if he's an exasperated teacher, explaining something for the thousandth time to a student who just won't think.

"She's not, though," Lena says.

Gordon laughs. "Lol, yeah, good one! When did you work that out, the third or the fourth time you overheard her telling me I was going to Hell?"

"No, actually, I worked it out when she caught me and my girlfriend together on a date," Lena replies, arms twisted into a fold so tight I'm expecting them to tear at any moment. Her eyes and voice are hard, determined, as she continues, "And she promised she wouldn't say anything. And she didn't."

"Oh, yeah, and when was this date?" Gordon smirks.

"This weekend just gone," Lena replies, "She saw us together, saw us actually kissing, like, there was no way we could deny it, and she actually... listened. Sure, there was the "going to Hell" bit at first, but the Bible doesn't actually say that. That's not what that verse means, and, as soon as we explained that to her, she was fine."

The urge to glance at Sophie to see how she's reacting to this anecdote is almost overwhelming, to the point where it feels like a knot in the middle of my chest. But I grit my teeth, and take deep breaths, and force myself to keep looking at Gordon and Lena.

And Gordon just laughs again. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm fairly sure this weekend just gone was only..." He sucks in air through his teeth like a shifty mechanic swindling a customer out of a few hundred quid. "Only Saturday. Or Sunday, if you will. Not exactly a long time for her to keep a secret. All that proves is that Chris beat her to it."

Lena shakes her head. "No, you're not listening," she says, exasperated, "Ffion is only homophobic because she has no idea how else to be. But she's willing to learn, OK? I think a lot of it has to do with her background, and—"

"Well, that's no excuse," Gordon interrupts, "Just because her parents are homophobic, it doesn't give her the right to be homophobic, too. Look at me! My parents are homophobic, and I'm fine!"

I mean. Gordy. My sweetheart. You're not fine, are you?

Lena rolls her eyes. "Please be a bit sensible, if you can, Gordon," she mutters, pinching the bridge of her nose, and sighing, "You have, handy wherever you go and whatever you might happen to be doing, a great example of a gay man existing without hurting anyone—most of the time—and without any kind of higher power hanging over your head, telling you that you're dirty. You don't believe in God, so your parents are just about the strongest influence over you, and you hate them, so you don't listen to them. And then you've got all your mates, being fine with you being gay, except for Chris, and we all backed you up, freezing him out. If you'd ever had those kind of misconceptions about the LGBT Community, chances are, we'd have cleared them up by now."