strange to hear «dps//anderperry»

v

          It was three long, hellish weeks now that Todd had attended Welton and in those three weeks he accomplished making a handful of new friends and almost immediately after doing his very best to abandon them for the sake of his own personal issue- his feelings for his roommate, which had not subsided and, in fact, they had grown stronger. Todd put in the extra effort to not speak to Neil unless absolutely necessary, but as he expected, his talkative and flamboyant roommate did not tolerate the tense silence that grabbed both boys by their throats and demanded to be acknowledged. Neil would often begin to make small talk and Todd would offer dry and tasteless responses in return. The evident disinterest never seemed to affect Neil on the surface but the fact that he always tried so hard and often went out of his way to speak to Todd made it almost undeniable that he loathed the fact that Todd would not converse with him as freely and frequently as he did just a week prior. Whereas Todd felt guilty for neglecting Neil, he knew that it would be better for him to manage his problem while it was still small without giving it much time to flourish into anything more than a small crush. Much to Todd's disillusionment, his point to ignore Neil and blockade the thoughts of him from crossing his mind before falling asleep went in vain. Frequently he caught himself wallowing in the attention he received from Neil and foolishly interpreted the desperate attempts at banal conversation as an indubitable sign that Neil Perry was-without a doubt- crushing on Todd Anderson. Todd's poetry was still centered solely around his adoration for his roommate and the guilt had melted away into a grease of mere shame and disdain for himself. In contrast, Neil seemed the happiest he had ever been before and the realization that Neil was not struggling with his emotions as Todd was hit the blond like a freight train.

As for everything else in Todd's life- it was bland and banal. Everybody else in Neil's friend group was tolerable, despite the endless teasing that was ultimately harmless but still affected Todd, especially their comments about how he and Neil were gay. Neil always managed to laugh them off and reply with a snarky comment, but a pit formed in Todd's stomach and his breath got caught in his throat whenever he opened his mouth to reply. It seemed the only time Todd wasn't concerned with the way Neil's friends thought about him was in Keating's class.

Keating himself was a character- he was far unlike the other teachers at Welton and taught lessons centered around life and the beauty of it and used the actual content of the poems to bolster his lessons. One lesson in particular resonated with each and every one of the boys; he spoke eloquently about how life is short and that often, people waste opportunities because they're too afraid of the outcome and the possibility of failure. Keating reiterated that it was paramount to live in the moment and make decisions without too much worry about their repercussions- carpe diem; seize the day. Todd enjoyed hearing this but was unable to apply it, for the risk of his decisions regarding his situation weighed out the rewards exponentially, but the one reward would make him infinitely happy. He debated on speaking to Keating about it but making it as ambiguous and vague as possible as to not raise suspicion about his sexuality and after an afternoon of reflection, he decided that it was best to keep his homosexual feelings to himself rather than running the risk of word getting around and Todd being expelled from Welton and, ultimately, his life falling to shambles. 

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"Todd! Oh God, Todd, you'll never guess what just happened!" Neil yelled excitedly as he stumbled into the room with a stack of papers filling his arms and his scarf sliding off his shoulders. Before Todd could reply a script was being thrown into his face and Neil was standing before him, beaming.

"A Midsummer Night's Dream? What is this?" Todd asked, his brows furrowed.

"It's a play, dummy," Neil's eyes lost the glimmer of utter joy but his expression did not change.