I've been sitting in my room for a few weeks now. My Now, ex boyfriend of long distance left me and it's actually hard, I experienced my first heart break and I'm not handling it well. I see him in everything. If I close my eyes I see his smile. I believe it's my fault. I think I deserve what comes for me. If I was meant to be happy I'd be happy by now. I've wasted 4 years, almost 5 being sad. I've spent 3 years with a eating disorder, I've spent 3 years with MDD and I'm tired of it.
I just wish there was an escape.
I lose a lot of sleep. My eye hurts every time I blind, it stings and I think I'm getting a fever. I feel like crying. Everyone has figured out I'm suicidal and it sucks. My friends see me as a weak little girl. I feel like if I don't portray being strong no one will like me.
I want to die.
I'm alone everyone is leaving me behind.
I see them smiling, why can't I smile like them
Why can't my smile be as white or as pretty as theirs.
Why the fuck am I not as attractive as everyone else???
This isn't fair. They have it easy, I'm struggling and no one sees it. There is no way for me to explain how I feel.
I feel like everyone is laughing at me.
I can't go outside or they'll see me sad. They'll see me. For the real girl I am.
Why does no one love me.
Who even cares about me?
I'm worthless.
I'm not worth being cared for.
Happy isn't something I deserve.
I deserve pain, I deserve to cry at night when I'm alone and everyone is asleep.
I deserve to be sad.
I deserve to die alone.
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Recovery
Non-FictionA recovery story of a teenage girl struggling with disorders. This is all real life based please do not comment anything rude, if you have any questions please message me on Instagram, if you are too scared to message me there I have a Tellonym, it'...
