No Surprises, Please

Such a pretty mare, such a pretty egg

Upon the pile of cushions on the floor in one of the chambers of the Solar Wing of Canterlot Castle, rested Princess Celestia. Her smile was constant, and somewhere between small and stretched, but if anypony were to see it, they would not see the strain. They would see Princess Celestia, smiling as she did, and to them it would be the same perfect smile that they had always known.

That was how Princess Celestia liked it. Politics and other things made sure that she was an expert at such smiles.

Her rose eyes held worry in them, but it was masked and nopony would've noticed that either. She did not swallow or flinch. Her composure was simply perfect, and she wasn't surprised.

Inside, she was trembling like the very life next to her.

Leaning against her side was a massive egg, and one Discord was quite proud of. Celestia had mixed emotions, to put it simply. Very simply. She liked things like that.

The egg was really quite large, and its weight against her side was honestly uncomfortable, but she wouldn't say that, even if there was anypony currently around to hear.

Oh, Discord was there of course. Half an hour earlier he had been winding strands of her tail around the digits of his talon and rambling on about why the egg felt lonely. She had simply gestured to the stack of paperwork in front of her and assured him that she was very good at egg-sitting.

The egg was quite warm too. Sometimes she wished she knew what she was supposed to do. Most of the time, Discord had the egg and wrapped his noodle body around it to keep it warm. That was really all Celestia knew how to do with the egg - the egg that contained the child she sired. She kept it warm by wrapping blankets around it and propping it against her side. When it touched her, the heavy pink shell felt strange.

The blankets also helped cover the face Discord drew on it with permanent marker, insisting that 'Eggbert' ought to have a good view of their parents.

Celestia thought the face was unsettling, and quietly tucked the blankets over it again with a soft tug of her magic.

She returned to her paperwork. That was that. She was calm. On the outside, at least.

This egg was her child. This egg was the child she had never planned on having.

Her breathing was almost always very calm, and now was not much of an exception. Her chest only fluttered with a slight irregularity.

Discord, meanwhile, slept soundly, clutching her shimmering tail like a blanket and snoring.

Celestia almost thought she felt a twitch under all those blankets, and her heartbeat quickened with worry. She inhaled calmly... and then it seemed to stop. She just needed to calm down. This was her child.

The child she never planned on having.

She felt Discord wake up suddenly, emitting a feminine screech that rocked the room like a banshee's call and startling her.

Celestia, goddess-princess of Equestria, nearly choked on her next breath and the tea that she had been sipping. Instead, she ended up doing a spit-take and coughing into her forehoof as she expelled the tea at the sudden shock... only to see, with a sinking heart, that her paperwork was now drenched in it.

She cringed and turned her head around as much as she could to get a good look at Discord. "D-Dissy...?" she stuttered.

"W-What was-"

"IT'S GOING TO HATCH!" Discord shrieked again, not paying attention to her as he jabbed a paw in the direction of the egg.

Celestia swallowed and found her throat to be bone-dry. "W-What?" she managed, voice barely a whisper. Her ears rung from the sound of Discord's wails - she wasn't sure even a prepubescent filly could make a sound that high in pitch. A vase of flowers still trembled nearby, and the rattling of the windows still sounded in her ears.