15th of October 2014, 09:25pm.
What are you supposed to do with paper skin & a weak heart? I will never know. You want to know what my name is? Sure. But it might just haunt you for the rest of your life like it does with me. I'm ashamed of what I have done. And my heart is beating like a billion butterflies tearing up my wings with their delicate fingers. My name is Charlotte Tatia Baxter & I have fucked up. I stand in the middle of the road, my hands dripping in the overwhelming liquid that felt like saliva from a dragon who has just experienced EBOLA. Let's just say it didn't feel very nice. It was like a crimson red. Like the colour of my lips. Maybe because I was wearing my new Dior Lipstick. But that wasn't the point. The point was I just killed someone. And it was someone who I loved. My mother. I'm sorry, Mama. I really am. But you gave me drugs & made me do what I have just done. It wasn't my fault. I swear!
What are you supposed to say when someone asks how are you? I will never know. I left the body on the road and I am now at my friends house, Isha. She's always been by my side since we met in 2010. Both liked emo bands with guyliner and manscara & both liked Megan Fox's ass. She's downstairs right now, talking to her mother. You see, when Isha or I are in trouble, we always go to eachother's houses after. Isha knew about what I did to my mother. & She still didn't judge me. THAT is true friendship. She understood why, though. She knew how monstrous my mother was & how she made Daddy move out. Daddy is the best. Although he works outside of the city & can't come home everyday, he still calls in to check I'm fine. My mother was too busy fucking others boys in stripclubs & paying them with my DAD'S money. The money he gave to raise me. And what does she do? Use it against him. I'm glad she's dead. But not that glad. Because she's gone & I'm still not the appropriate age to live alone ( 18 ), I have to have a babysitter. I'm seventeen years old. Just one more year to go! This year, I'm having a new babysitter. Don't know what their name is but last time it was a girl & let's just say, she didn't like my bedroom because it's filled with fan art that includes blood. Did I mention: my last babysitter liked One Direction & floral dresses. I rest my case.
I'm staying over Isha's now. Not going back until tomorrow. Everything's fine by now. But I don't know what's happening to me. I lay in bed with my eyes wide open even though they're stinging from the need to sleep but I CAN'T close them. I feel this gut - wrenching feeling. All I can see is memories flashing of Mama's body. It's disgusting. I feel so bad. But I try so hard to forget it. Because she was SO mean to me. She would lock me in the basement with a statue of this really creepy doll that used to say Charlotte's a bad girl & she's going to Hell. It made me shit my pants. I don't know what I'm feeling but I think it's called G U I L T.
End of Chapter one.
GAAAH !!! Thank you for reading guys. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I know Brendon hasn't come up yet but he will next chapter. Follow me on Twitter: @arcticisha & tell me your feedback in the comments. Love you & byeeee !!!
