Poviedky z mojej dielne [Zbierka]

>One-shot: Anxiety attack

Yeeeeea- zas po anglicky.

Ja môžem. Heh.

Spoiler: It's shitty. Like a lot..

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I was listening to music and reading my book. Lying on a sunbed, breathing in the smell of water full of chlorine. Normal summer day on the two weeks long vacation.

My mother was swimming in the pool. My brother was probably sulking in our room and complaining about weather, because to be honest - it was quite hot today.  I was just trying to relax - despite being covered in my own sweat, due to me being an idiot and wearing a black T-shirt.

But I was too stuborn to change into my swimwear. I hated my body and looking at myself in the mirror while wearing swimwear. I was just repeating 'nope' and sworn to god that I'll never wear swimsuit on a public beach or public pool.

And that was other thing - public. There was a lot of people. It was making me anxious, but I was not going to tell my mother that I need to hide in our room, because there's a lot of people. I do that at home. No need to do that on a vacation. "I can deal with it! Just ignore them!" that's what I told myself.

And that's why I am listening to 'Teenagers' on repeat while reading 'Leah on the Off-Beat'. But it was working! I couldn't hear people and I couldn't see them most of the time, because I was reading. It was keeping me calm and relaxed. It was my form of relaxation.

Of course, everything slightly good that happens to me must come to an end. That's why I don't like feeling happy. It never lasts.

My mother was right above me. Looking at me. Talking to me. I took out my earphones, so I could hear her, but people and that music were so loud! I knew she was talking! I heard her voice! But it was all muffled.

,,....put......-et....away....please?" that was all I heard.

I assumed she was talking about my earphones. So I placed them with my phone on a little table next to me and came back to reading. But then she started yelling at me. And I heard everything.

,,Are you deaf?! Or stupid?! I asked you to do one simple thing! And you did what?! Nothing! I put up with all of your sh!t and you're not able to do one simple thing! There's a line you can cross, lady! I won't-" I stopped listening.

I just stood up and walked away. I felt tears falling down my cheeks. I try hiding my teary eyes under my sunglasses - it worked. No one noticed. Or at least everybody pretended they didn't notice. And I was thankful. I bumped into my brother on the way to our room.

,,Give me keys," I said with my shaken voice.

He gave me them and walked away. Even my brother didn't give enough sh!t about me... Well, that's nothing new to me.

I ran up the stairs. Fourth floor. Room number 1414. I unlocked the door and shut them behind me. I fell to the ground. I felt... weak, broken and so alone.

I threw my sunglasses across the room, bring my knees to my face and started sobbing. My voice was so high, I hate it. I bit my tongue, so I don't have to hear my voice. I was shaking. My arms and legs were trembling. My throat hurt so much. It felt sore.

My eyes hurt - I didn't have the power to cry, but I did anyway. My lungs were burning. I felt so hot and cold at the same time. My ribcage felt so tight... I thought my chest was going to explode. And my head was pounding. And I couldn't stop it. I couldn't do anything. I was weak.

I am weak.

,,Why me? Why me? Why me?" I repeated.
,,Stop, stop, stop, stop..." this time I whispered.

Somehow, I've loosen my whole body. My head fell against the wall. My arms fell to the ground with my legs. I thought that I may have stopped breathing... but I was still alive.

,,I'm so sorry..." I whispered and closed my eyes in hopes that I'll wake up and everything will be just a nightmare...

Yeah, it is all a bad dream... it'll fade away...

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I'm gonna be honest w/u - toto je sh!t.

V poslednej dobe je všetko sh!t. Argh... Welp, už je to dokonané a mazať to nejdem.

A určite je tam milión chýb... but I really don't care~