Clueless {Scorose}

Chapter 64: Downward Spiral

So I'm thinking that probably the worst thing to do after kissing someone is to start crying, but here I am, balling my eyes out on Scorpius's bed.

It happened almost instantly after I pulled away from him and noticed what just happened, that a tear slipped down my cheek and I started crying into my palms. I didn't even say anything, just started crying about my own disgusting self.

"R-Rose?" His voice was gentle and quiet but just made me feel even worse. What kind of person cries after someone kisses them? Oh, I know, a bad one.

"I'm such a-a bad person," I manage to say through sobs. 

"What?" He says. I can't see him, but he's placed a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. "Why are you saying that?"

"Because!" I look up so that I can see him, in a very blurred image. "I just cheated!"

"Oh," he sighs. "No, Rose, it's not your fault, you didn't--"

"Yes, I did!" I exclaim. I turn to get up from the bed, standing up and wiping tears from my face even though more just keep coming. "I'm supposed to be in a relationship with Mike and now I just cheated on him. I'm a bad person!"

Scorpius pulls himself up from the bed too, coming around to the side where I'm standing. "Rose, it's not your fault, that was all me," he says, in the calmest voice I've ever heard him use. "I initiated the kiss, it was all me. You didn't do anything."

"I kissed you back!"

"Yes but--"

"How are you so calm? This is the exact reason we broke up! Because I'm a stupid little slut!"

"Stop saying all this bad stuff about yourself." He says, more aggressively this time. "You are not a slut, at all, and you are not a bad person. It was just one little mistake and it doesn't have to mean anything unless you want it to."

I just stare at him for a second, trying to process what it all meant. He was holding me by the shoulders, arms extended fully between us.

"I don't know what to do," I sigh, looking away from him. He pulls away, still standing there in front of me. "Any ideas?"

"I don't think my opinion would be very helpful."

"Why? What's your opinion?"

"My opinion is that you should break up with Mike and come back here so we can kiss again."

"Wow, yeah, not helpful," I say. My mind is all over the place and that just opened a whole other door of craziness inside my head. "I-I have to go. Goodnight."

I leave the room quickly, hearing him call after me, and slam the door without meaning to. I get into my room and thankfully, see Lily there on the bed. I know I shouldn't wake her when she's all pregnant and everything, but I really need her help, so I shake her awake.

"Lily?" I whisper-yell into the dark. I turn the light on too, which ultimately gets her up.

She stirs, blinking her eyes open. "What time is it?" She asks groggily.

"Doesn't matter, I need help."

She sits up at that. I pull off my robes and get next to her. "What happened?"

I wince before saying it. "Well, I er, kissed Scorpius," I cringe, waiting for her reaction.

Her eyes go wide and she starts smiling. "Really?"

"What?" I exclaim. "Wrong reaction! This isn't good!"

"Wait, why?"

"Mike!" I remind her.