Aubrey, the Star

19: star cluster

Aubrey

★

star cluster - "a group of stars born at almost the same time and place, capable of remaining together for billions or years because of their mutual gravitational attraction."

The hallway was pitch black; I was blind as if my eyes had been gouged.

Shivers ran up my spine, washing me cold. My hand, shaking along with the nerves, came up to my eyes, searching and checking - they were still there. The other hand leant forward, disappearing through the darkness as I trailed my fingers along the wall, trying to find my way. My ragged breaths were the only sounds I could hear.

At least I was still alive.

The wall seemed to stretch on forever. My steps were timid and slow. A familiarity was creeping up on me. It didn't feel right here. Yet, I believed I knew where I was supposed to go. Each step ahead caused my skin to boil like hot stew.

Beneath the thin skin bubbled toxins. The pains of my past seeped into my blood. There was a reason why people said to look beyond the surface. I knew this nightmare. I began to close my eyes and scream for help.

Nobody came.

I was greeted by light, instead. My eyes opened, the brightness seared my retinas, making me close them from fear of being blinded.

Open, your eyes!

The voice was coarse and rough like sandpaper. It had taken years of abuse. Once it had been a sound of comfort and reassurance. Now, it made me wonder which breath would be her last.

My eyes were terribly sore from the light. It was a brightness that rivaled the sun. I had to squint to see what I was looking for, until I found it and fell to my knees, bruising them against the linoleum floor.

There she was. Her body lay limp inside the bathtub. The tips of her fingers were blue from the lack of warm blood flow. My hand fell on her chest. It didn't rise or fall. There was no heartbeat. The muscles of my chin trembled like a small child. I looked towards the light, wanting it to help me.

It offered no solace.

I heard my own sounds. They were distressed. A child raw from the inside. It took something out of me that I didn't know I had left to give. The tears burst forth like water from a damn. The water spilled down my face. Salty drops fell down my chin, drenching my shirt. I held her cold hand in my own, pressing my head against her smooth skin.

There was nothing I could do. Not anymore. I was trembling.

I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop.

Why couldn't I stop crying?

★

The nightmare was more like a night terror this time around. It felt like I could die from the pain in my brain as I struggled to wake up. Hands that touched me with frailty and caution began to shake me gently, trying to startle me out of my own mind.

When I woke, my cheeks were wet and my body was damp from a hot sweat. The blanket I had been buried under was twisted around my limbs, probably due to the thrashing. I could still feel my heart pounding fiercely against my chest, threatening to escape. I trembled still. The room was dark. Except for the dim screen of the projector that had fallen into sleep mode.