Rush: Mach

Rush: Mach 4

"Sora!! Sora waaiittt!!" the little girl calls out to her friend who's leaps ahead of her, sprinting away to catch up with Nell's twin sister who's meters in front of the two girls. Becky, her twin, was only born 6mins before her, but they're as different as night and day from their appearances to their personality. While her sister has always been more active, Nell tends to do things more calmly, paying attention to every fine detail.

"Beckkyyy!!! Unnie sttoooppp!! I can't keep up!! I ca..." her words stop mid-sentence as she trips on her own foot and falls on the footpath. Tears well up in her eyes as she looks at her bleeding hand, scratched by the rough surface of the cement. Her lips quiver as she tries to hold back her tears as she watches the other girls disappear into the distance. She glances back at her palm, watching the red liquid seeping out from the small crevices, glistening in the sun.

Quick footsteps approach her, and the figure shields her from the blaring sun before he squats down. He holds her injured hand, "I'll make it better, Nellie. I'll make it better, okay?"

She looks at the boy, wide-eyed. She nods slowly, and sniffs back the mucus stuffing up her nose. He opens a bottle of water, "It's gon' hurt a bit, but just for one second, okay Nellie?"

She becomes hesitant. "But I dowanna hurt..." she squeaks, biting her lips that were forming a pout.

The boy extends his arm in front of her, "Then transfer the pain to me. When it hurts, bite into my arm, then you won't feel so painful," he says. Nell looks at him, her little eyebrows creasing.

"But I don't want Shownu oppa to hurt."
He smiles, his two front teeth missing from their sockets, "I'm strong, I can fall ten times and not feel any pain at all." He nods at her in comfort, and she places her parted lips on his arm. While his extended arm holds her injured hand, he pours some water onto the wound. She winces and bites on his arm, making him wince too, as the cool water pricks the scratched surface then spreads a cool sensation throughout her palm. She loosens her bite on him, while he pulls out a handkerchief from his pocket and wraps it around her palm. He grins proudly at his work, and looks at her, "Let's go home, it's getting late." He screams out at the other two girls running towards them, letting them know that it's time to return to the Sohns' home, where their father is busy tinkering the twin's father's vintage car.

He helps her up. "Aah!!" she whimpers.
"What's wrong, Nellie?"

"I can't...stand up...my foot..." she holds her ankle, grimacing from the stabbing pain.

He turns away, squatting with his back towards her, "Come, I'll give you a piggyback ride home." She wraps her small arms over his collar, and with a small hop she bounces onto his back. He forces his water bottle into his pocket; the bottle so big that half of it protrudes from the mouth of the pocket.

"YAH!! You two!! Can't you play nicely?! Look at what happened to Nell!!" the boy scolds Sora and Becky as he arrived back at his father's garage with Nell on his back. The girls giggle mischievously and run towards their fathers, who are chatting by a sky-blue Chevy 57.

He walks towards a sofa, and gently puts her down on it. He bents down in front of her, and says, "I'll be your protector. Next time they play rough again, tell me. I will punish them for you, okay? Better yet, don't play with them. I'll play with you if you want, okay?"

She nods, holding her injured hand close to her chest, watching the boy as he goes over to the fathers to tell them about Nell's sprained ankle, her bite mark formed a reddish ring on his forearm.
Many years later, the little girl blossoms into a young woman whose gentle heart matches perfectly with her dainty features. Every girl wants to be her friend, and every other boy dreams of being close to her.

"I think he's number 3..." she overhears her classmates' discussion one morning.

"Yeah, I think so too. He's number 2…" another adds.

"No I think HE's number 2, not him…" a third chimes in.

She tears her gaze away from her textbook, "What are you guys talking about?"

"The upperclassmen. We're discussing about who's the best looking, see," the first classmate replies, pushing her notebook towards her:

1) Jaewon
2) Kibum
3) Andrew
4) Minhyuk
5) Dojoon

She scans through each name in the ranking with amusement, wondering how long her classmates must have spent on creating this list of 145 names, until, her gaze landed on one particular name:
143) Shownu

Her eyebrows creased. "143, are you sure he's 143?" she asks her friends.
The girl glances over to the list, "Yeah. Why?"

Her head tilts to one side, "I disagree. There's no way he's 143. Look. He's better looking than him. And these lot. And DEFINITELY him," she points at the names on the page. "143, more like 45."
Her classmates laughed, "You have such weird taste in men," one said, and takes back her book, ignoring Nell's remarks. She rolls her eyes and returns her attention to her textbook. 'No, YOU have a weird taste in men. Superficial twinks,' she says in her head.

After school, she meets up with her sister and their best friend, Sora to walk together to Sora's house for a group study session. They were about to leave the school compound, when a voice calls out to her friend. They turn back, to a boy running towards them. He slows down upon approaching the girls, panting like he's been running for miles, "Hey, tell dad that I'll be home late. Basketball match," he blurted excitedly, beads of sweat forming on his forehead, catching the light from the sun.

He's spurt up like a sprout over the recent years, towering above the girls when he's standing upright. '143, how can THIS, be 143. What a joke,' she tells herself as they all wave goodbye at the lanky boy with glowy sun-tanned skin. He smiles at her, just before she turns away, his eyes almost disappearing into the bright, toothy smile. Her heart skips a beat, wishing she could turn back time just a second earlier and pause it then, so she can take a clearer look at his happy face and save the picture in her memory.

He arrives home just before 6pm, just in time to help his dad clear up the garage before closing shop. He moves swiftly and smoothly through all the tasks from the years spent helping his father. Maybe next week, he will finally teach his son how to dismantle the whole engine from a car. Maybe next week he's finally ready to do it.

Upon finishing his chores, he ran upstairs to the house, where three girls are portioning soup and rice into 5 servings; one for each of them. He pokes his head between two of them, where a pot of steamy soup rests on the counter, taking in its fragrant, savoury scent, "Mmmmmmmmm~ smells good!" he says, a wide grin forms across his face.

Sora elbows her brother, "Oppa, hurry up and go shower. You stink," she says, as she pinches her nose and wrinkles it too. He pinches her cheek and skips to his room to get his towel and hops into the bathroom. Once the dishes are ready, Nell and Becky brings them to the dining table and prepares the cutleries; the sisters  always have dinner with the small family whenever they come over to study. As the the older Mr. Sohn enters the house, Shownu comes out of the shower, only a towel wrapped around his waist, water still dripping from his wet hair, onto his toned body. Nell twists around quickly, as Sora tells her brother off, "Oppa! We have guests in the house!"

He chuckles, "What do you mean guests? Those two are practically family from how often they're here!" he says as he slips into his room to get dressed.

Dinner time is always a lot livelier with the twins around; Sora has Becky as her back-up so she can make fun of Shownu, who usually teases her to no end whenever he gets the chance. Nell, being a pacifist, always got the prime seat beside Mr. Sohn, and giggles and chuckles at the three teenagers' banters. Shownu's comebacks to his sister's insult in particular, always make her laugh the most. He's always been a funny, kind, helpful and reliable older brother that she never had, which fills her with envy sometimes when she sees the playful interaction between Sora and Shownu.

One day, in senior year, she had an unfortunate encounter with a reckless driver on her way to school with Becky. Blood streams from the side of her head, her leg and forearm, and she was getting dizzy from the trauma. Panicked, her sister calls the first person that comes to mind: Shownu.

He arrives in no time at all, in his car that he fixed himself, and with one swift motion he scoops her up from the ground, hugging her close to him as he places her on the back seat, and tells her, "Nell, try to stay awake. Okay? We'll get you to the hospital very soon. Don't go to sleep, okay? Stay with me," he says, his hand cupping her cheek as she nods at him weakly, her eyes seems to be drifting into the distance, vision blurring. "Stay with me, Nell," she hears him say, before everything darkens into black.

She wakes up to a whole room full of people she loves: her parents, her sister, her best friend, and her good friends from school. She smiles, garnering waves of relief across the room to see her awake and responsive. She's happy to see them all here, but looking around the room, the one person she wanted to see the most, is not. Amidst chatting and eating with her family and friends, she can't help but wonders why his absence is tugging on her guts. She secretly wishes he was here, even if it's only for one second, so she can thank him for what he did for her.

When everyone is finally gone, she finally rests. The ward seems so large and cold without everyone's voices and warmth to fill up the space. She closes her eyes, inviting the silence into her mind, and slowly drifts off with the quietness...

Until a soft thump of the door closing is heard. She opens her eyes to a familiar tall figure, walking towards her bed with a bag in his hand, and a sympathetic smile on his face. The corners of her pale lips curls upwards, glad to finally see him.

"How are you feeling?" he asks, sinking onto the chair by her bed.

"I'm okay, a little banged up, that's all," she replies, her voice still hoarse from days of unuse.

He extends his arm and rests it gently on her bandaged head; his thumb caresses her soft hair. "The doctor said you lost a lot of blood, got me worried."

"You seem to always be here when I'm hurt," she says, randomly.

He chuckles, "You're right."

"I'm sorry."

He raises his eyebrows, "What for?"

"For troubling you all the time."

He grins, "Don't be, I'm just glad I could be there to help." He retracts his arms, and looks her straight in the eyes, "I'm your protector, remember? From rocks, dusts, reckless drivers, and even naughty boys. You shouldn't feel bad for needing my help. Just say the word, I'll be there to stop the sky from falling."

And just with that, she's smitten. He remembers the childish promise he'd made to her a lifetime ago, and the fact that he's still intends to honour it makes her heart flutter.

"You really mean it?"

"Of course! You're like my younger sister, Becky too. So of course I'll take good care of you," he affirms.

"...Oh," she says.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing."

His eyes narrows for a moment in thought, then he turns to the desk and takes out the fruits he's brought with him in the bag. "Be right back," he says, and heads off to the wash room to clean it.
She sighs, knowing in her gut that her feeling towards him that is growing in her heart is never going to be reciprocated.

Life returns back to normal after she got better from her injuries; school, home, revision, exams. Sometimes when the twins visit Sora, Shownu isn't even there anymore, since he'd started his undergraduate studies in a university almost an hour away from his house. "He's been really busy with some car club thingy as well," Sora tells her, explaining why he doesn't even come home some days. His own father and sister rarely even sees him now, and it's half a year later before Nell finally meets Shownu again.

It's been raining all day, and it doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon. But it's none of the twins' concern as they are having a sleepover at the Sohns' that night. It's a quarter past two in the morning, and the girls have just turned the lights off to go to bed, after a 3-hour long girl-talk filled with secrets and funny stories. Two of the girls dozed off almost immediately; they always fall sleep so easily. Nell was about to join them in the dream realm too, when she heard the sounds of the door lock beeping, followed by the opening and closing of the door. She exits the room quietly, and sees her best friend's brother in the hallway.

He was soaked in rainwater from head to toe, his eyes puffy and red.

Her eyebrows creased as she rushes towards him, "What's wrong, oppa? Are you okay?"

Without a word, he grabs her and pulls her into his embrace. As if on cue, she wraps her arms around him, as he sobs silently into her shoulder.

"H-he's gone. H-he's dead," he keeps mumbling between staggered breaths. She tightens her hold of him, and shushes him softly as she gently pats his back. When he's finally calmed down, she sent him to the bathroom for a shower as she slips back into Sora's room to get changed into a dry shirt and new pair of shorts.

They sat face to face on the couch in the living room, and he tells her the whole story as she dries his damp hair with his towel.

He was in a street race earlier that night. He practiced for over a month for it; it was supposed to be his initiation to the club that his seniors have created. His senior, Taewoong worked hard to coach him on the basics of racing. Every day for the past month and a half they'd meet after 5pm to practice. Shownu turned out to be a fast learner, but he lacks self-confidence, and Taewoong realizes that his self-doubt is affecting his judgment and response when he drives. So, the older boy would praise him a lot and motivate him to keep doing what he was doing and he will improve. And he did. With each passing day he becomes more confident in himself and his abilities behind the wheel. He was ready, and the club members were excited for their newest addition to the family.
But then it started to rain, and it poured endlessly. The forecast annouced that there is a possible landslide if the rain continues on for another hour, and by then, some areas were already reported to be experiencing flash floods.

"Is there any updates from the organizers?" Taewoong asks another senior in their club.

The boy shakes his head in response, "Maybe the course isn't affected," he says.

"Hyung, so this means it should be safe to drive tonight, right?" Shownu asks, nervous, but partially hoping that the event will proceed as planned tonight. He's been waiting for this race for a very long time.

Taewoong sighs, "Yeah...but looking at the weather, I'm not sure if we should take part at all. It's a hillside course after all; prone to landslides."

"Can we at least go and check the place out though? We can still withdraw ourselves if things don't look right," the younger boy urges. Taewoong's brows furrowed, deep in thought. Then, he nods, "We'll go and have a look at the location."

The rain seems to be stopping as they arrived at the foot of the hill. Everyone was excited, especially Shownu. Taewoong went over to ask about the path; if it's safe to be driving there this particular night. "Yeah! It's all good!" the organizer assured him.

He walks over to his junior, who's waiting excitedly for his decision. He pursed his lips before saying to the boy, "The organizer said it's alright. So we can drive if we want...but there's just something in my gut that tells me that we shouldn't be competing tonight."

He looks at his junior, so eager to prove himself tonight, just waiting for his consent to race, and his heart just couldn't say 'no' to him. "Okay, we'll race," he tells the boy, and smiled.

They got into their cars and drove to the starting line. The organizer checks everyone's cars, and when everyone is ready, he went over to the front, counted down, and sent the five competing cars off on their way toward the finishing line.

Shownu presses on the accelerator and breezed past the car in front of him, putting him right behind Taewoong in third place as the roads began to twist and turn. It was narrow too, and that made it hard for anyone to overtake the cars in front of their own. They drove up the hill, and midway through the road started to widen. Shownu tried to overtake Taewoong, and succeeded, but immediately Taewoong would regain his lead over Shownu. The younger boy chuckles, "Ah c'mon hyung!" as the older boy speeds ahead. The rain was getting heavier again.

Suddenly a tree fell just meters in front, causing the leading car way ahead of them all to swerve, and sent a black Alfa Romeo in the second place straight into the woods nearby, crashing into a massive tree. Taewoong, foot slammed onto his brakes, suddenly loses control of his car on the slippery and wet road, went off the path and plunged into a ravine, crashing head first onto a huge boulder down below. Shownu, burst out of his car and rushes to the damaged divider, where Taewoong's car went off the cliff. He screams out the older boy's name; once, twice, and a third time, but there was no response. He took out his phone and calls Taewoong's number, and it rang, and rang endlessly, but no one was there to pick up the call. Cops and ambulances turned up at the scene soon after, inspecting the area and retrieving two bodies: one was in critical condition, the other pronounced dead on site. It was as if all warmth in his body left him as he watches his senior’s body been placed in a black body bag and strapped onto a stretcher before the ambulance took him away to the morgue.

Tears fill the two orbs as he relives the night in his mind, blaming himself for wanting to race regardless of what the weather and his senior warned him. A tear escapes his eyes as he blinks, regretting his actions. Nell, her own eyes glistening with tears, pulls him into her and says, "I'm sorry, oppa."

The next day, and the days that follows, Shownu is seen more and more in the garage, helping out his father and learning the trade. He has given up on racing; he just can't bring himself to race anymore without being reminded of the incident. For a long while it was obvious to everyone that he was depressed, but he refuses to acknowledge it. "I'm fine, don't worry," he'd say with a forced smile, and there's nothing anyone can do to change his mind. So, rather than confronting him with the matter, Nell would talk to him about other things to get him off his mind about the tragedy.

"Oppa!" she calls him from the top of a car's engine, where the boy is working underneath it, lying on his skateboard. He sees her through the cracks between the piping and wirings, and smiles, "Oh! Hey Nellie!"

"I have a question. How important is it for a woman to know how to cook?"

He chuckles, "Yah, why are you asking me this?"

She grins through the crevices of the engine, "I'm just curious! So how important is it?"

"Not very important, but it's always going to be a plus if you can cook your own food and keep yourself alive," he answers with a smile, as he tightens a screw under the engine.

"I see. So what if there's a girl, very smart, but can't cook to save her life, what do you think about her then?"

"She's smart, she'll figure out a way to learn to cook something simple. Or just go buy something to eat then. Why are you asking weird questions?"

"So cooking isn't important, how about intelligence, grace, finesse, stuff like that?"

"Huh? These don't matter if she has a good heart. What in the world does finesse even mean??"

She giggles, "Bye oppa!" and skips away.

"YAH!! Come back, you little rascal!!" he rolls out from under the car, but the girl is nowhere to be found. He sighs and returns back to his work.

She kept this up for a long while, occasionally asking him random questions, distracting him from his painful memories till eventually the boy really does seem to be happier, especially when she's around.

Three years later, she watches him receive his hard-earned scroll from the Vice Chancellor of the university, beaming with pride as he strides off the stage with the ribboned tube in hand. Normally, graduates would gather together with their friends to celebrate their graduation, but that afternoon, Shownu got to work in the garage immediately, finishing up fixing a car that is due tomorrow. After finding out about this from Sora, Nell decides to visit the workaholic in the garage, with an ice cream cake in hand.

"Oppa."

"Oh?! Nellie! You've got more strange questions for me?" he asks playfully.

"No, but I have an ice cream cake right here, and I need a hero to help me finish it," she holds the cake up and dangles it in front of his face, knowing that the temptation will be too much for him to bear. He never passes on food, especially something that needs to be eaten urgently before it's gone, like an ice cream cake.

"You have come to the right place, madam. I'll do it," he says, placing down his tools and goes off to wash his hands immediately.

He feels the familiar sense of joy as he opens the box, revealing the dome-shaped dark chocolate ice cream cake with glazed slices of strawberries. They each take as big of a scoop that their spoons could carry and shove the spoonfuls of ice cream into their mouths. The velvety chocolate melts on their tongues, the fragrant but bitter cocoa spreads and flows throughout their mouth. As they bite on the fresh strawberries, the citrusy sweet taste of the fruit mingles and swirls with the chocolate, lifting the heavy weight of the cocoa and waking their taste buds for more. Nell groans, followed by Shownu.

“This is delicious.” he says to her.

“I know right.”

They sat in silence, just enjoying the heavenly chilled dessert.

“How’s uni treating you?” he utters finally.

“Ah oppa! Why do you have to mention school at a sacred time like this?!”

He giggles, “I’m just curious I’m sorry!” and shoves another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

She thinks about his question for a while.

“It’s okay. I might be going to New York next semester.”

“Wow, really? That’s great! How long are you going to be there for, a semester?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” she thinks about her discussion with her supervisor about completing her project overseas, and possibly furthering her master’s degree there as well. It all depends on her; she’ll decide how long she’ll be staying in New York, but her decision depends strongly on how well her plan went; a plan that she’s thought about for years now, and continues to think about for the next few months.

One day, during one of her random visits to the garage, it was Shownu who asks her a random question, instead of the other way around like it usually is.

“So when are you bringing your boyfriend to show me?”

Her eyes grew wide, “What boyfriend?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. It seems like everyone is pairing up. I saw Becky with some guy that smiles dimples the other day at a café, being all touchy-feely and emitting heart bubble all around them. Sora as well, I don’t know who’s the guy yet, but have you seen her prancing around like she’s walking on air lately? It’s sickening and worrisome.”

She knows exactly who the mystery guy is, but she’d promised Sora not to tell Shownu about him. At least, not yet. “But what does that have to do with me?”

“You three are inseparable. So if those two are in love, chances are you must be too. So that got me curious.”

‘Oh, you have no idea,’ she says in her mind, but she tells him, “Nah, I’m single.”

“Anyone that you like in particular in school?”

‘Argh, don’t ask,’ she wanted to say, but instead she replies, “Nope.”

His eyes narrowed, “You’re lying.”

She giggles, “I’m serious.”

“I’m not as oblivious as what Sora tells you, you know. You’re an intelligent and pretty girl, it’s hard to believe that you’re single.”

She stays silent.

“C’mon, you can tell me. And if the guy is good enough for you, I can help patch things up between you two,” he nudges at her.

“…well…”

“Sooo… there IS a special someone.”

“…Not exactly..”

“What, why?”

“He doesn’t notice me, I don’t think…”

“Why not? Is he blind?”

“It’s not that simple…he’s a long-time friend. I guess, he just sees me as a friend, nothing more.”

His eyebrows furrowed, “Hmm…have you told him? How do you know if he feels the same?”

“We’ve been friends for so long, I don’t wanna make things weird between us.”

He brushes his hand on his chin, a habit of his when he’s thinking. “Well, I guess you have a point there. What is he like?”

She thinks for a while, “He’s caring...dependable…and gentle.”

“Sounds like a proper man…I approve.”
She bursts out laughing at how clueless he is. “How about you, oppa? Shouldn’t you be dating someone by now?”

He chuckles, “Me? I’m too busy with work.”

‘Well, I’m here to distract you from it,’ she wanted to say. “Well then you should work less, and go out more!” she says instead.

“Nah, not my cup of tea.”

“So, no special someone that you’d liked, not even among your schoolmates?”

“My schoolmates are mostly guys, and the only few girls are either taken, not interested, or gay.”

“Bummer.”

“Yeah.”

“So…you think I should tell him?”

“Who, your crush? About your feelings?”

“…yeah.”

“Hmm…it’s worth a try.”

“But what if he doesn’t like me that way, and he feels weird being my friend after that?”

“If he’s not mature enough to handle these feelings, then he’s not good enough to be your friend.”

“Hmm...fair point. Anyway, oppa, have you been to the carnival yet? The one that’s just outside of town.”

“No, why?”

“Do you wanna come with me? I asked Sora and Becky, both of them are either busy or have been.”

“Yeah, sure. When do you want to go?”

“This weekend? I’m going to be busy from next week onwards, preparing for my trip to New York.”

“Okay, this weekend sounds good.”

“Let’s meet at the location?”

“Nah, I’ll pick you up from your house.”

“Okay.”

‘Time seems to pass so much slower when you’re anticipating for something,’ she thinks to herself as she stares at the clock on the wall. It’s the day of their outing to the carnival, which, she wished she could call a date. Shownu will be picking her up at 8.30pm, and it seems to take forever for 7.54pm to turn into 7.55pm.

Shownu arrived at her gate at precisely 8.30pm, and gives her a call. Shortly after, the girl steps out from her house, dressed in a comfortable oversized T-shirt loosely tucked into a pair of shorts, completed with a well-worn pair of sneakers with a small canvas backpack hanging low from her back. She waves at him excitedly, and hops into his car. He grins wide, his eyes disappears into their lids, seeing the happy girl. The carnival isn’t far from her house, so it didn’t take them longer than 15minutes to arrive at their destination.

They rode the roller coaster, the Viking, and the bumper cars to get the evening started. As it is a small carnival, they completed all the rides very soon after, and even moved on to the games booth. They chatted and laughed through every ride and game; he won a giant teddy bear with his surprising good archery skills, which is too big for them to carry around the venue, so they left it at the booth till later at night, and walked around the place for a while longer, each secretly reluctant to end the night.

They strolled around the carnival three times, snacking on cotton candy and popcorns, and rode on the carousel four times before they have to finally accept that the outing-date was ending. With the gigantic bear stuffed in the back seat, they pulled out from the parking lot, and head towards her home. And just like the earlier trip, it did not take more than 15 minutes to arrive at her house again from the carnival. He stops right in front of her gate, and she musters up her courage to tell him, “Oppa, remember the other day, when we talk about crushes and special someones?”

He turns to her, “Yeah, why? Did you tell him yet?”

She purses her lips, then sighs, “I…am planning to.”

“Oh...that’s great,” he says, somehow a little disappointed.

She takes a deep breath, and continues, “It’s…you.”

“…what?” he says, wondering if he’s misheard her.

“It’s you I wanted to confess my feelings to,” she blurted. There’s no going back now. “I’ve been in love with you for the longest time, that I don’t even remember exactly when I started loving you. I just…never had the courage to tell you how I feel about you. I don’t even know if you feel the same. Actually, I don’t think you feel the same, so I picked tonight to come clean and be completely honest with you, so I can finally let go, and leave the country. The next time we meet, perhaps we won’t feel awkward with each other.”

They sit silently for a long while as the car engine rumbles softly, both of them facing the front gate of her house. Then he asks, “How long will you be there for?”

“6 months, possibly up to 3 years. Until things stop being awkward between us.”

They waited for each other to say something, because they don’t know what to say to each other.

Nell decides to break the silence, “I guess, this is goodbye. I really had a great time tonight, oppa. Thank you for coming out with me, and have a safe drive back home, okay?” she says to him, and exits the car. Without thinking any further, he follows suit.

“Wait, Nell.”

She pauses in front of the side gate, and turns to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m an idiot,” he says, walking towards her.

“No no, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. If I’d been more honest with you, if I had more courage, we wouldn’t be here today.”

“No, don’t worry about it, oppa.”

He grabs her hands, “No, Nell. I’ve been so clueless. If I’d acted sooner, and let you know how I feel about you, we would’ve been together since the beginning.

She freezes, “You...you had feelings for me? after all these time?”

“I loved you since the day I met you all those years ago. You were so adorable, and so delicate, and so cautious when you do everything. I can’t help but follow you around just in case you hurt yourself, which sometimes you did. But as we grew up, you’ve only become more beautiful and kind, that I felt distant from you. You’re just too far out of my league…”

“What? No…”

“Yes. You have no idea how many of my classmates in high school fell for you then. And I’ve seen that list some juniors made. I know where I am in the ranking, so…”

She puts her hand over his lips, “You’re not where they say you were. That list was stupid. Those girls were silly, and childish. They don’t know you like I do. And I think you’re better than most of those guys in the list, physically and emotionally. I love you, for every year before and ever since, and that’s all I ever cared about.”

He reaches for her hand on his face and pulls it away, so he can kiss her, like he’d always imagined he’d kiss her. She feels weak from the touch, and leans into him as he wraps an arm around her waist, the other still holding her hand.

*****

When we first met, you were 4 and I 5, I’d never seen a more beautiful toddler. You stared at me with you big brown eyes, the tiniest curve formed from the corner of your lips. I waved at you, and you waved at me too. That was when my heart was stolen by you.

When you were 6 and I 7, you tripped and fell from trying too hard to catch up to the others. My little heart sank the moment you fell, and I ran to you the fastest my little legs could. My heart ached seeing you hurt, and I wanted to turn back time so I could catch you before you fall. That was when I knew I was meant to protect you.

When you were 16 and I 17, we were at the weekly assembly. You saw me through the crowd of students; your eyes sparkled under the morning sun, your smile contends the brightness of the star. That was when I knew I was not worthy of you. That day I came home and hid in my room, feeling blue, not knowing what to do.

When we were talking; just talking about life and love. You told me you have a crush, so I told you to go fight for your love. Little did you know, that I’m a hypocrite, to ask so much of you, when I myself couldn’t even muster the courage to fight for you.

When you asked me to the carnival, I felt that my chance has come. I needed to tell you how I feel towards you, regardless of whether you feel the same way too. I have to do it, I just have to.

When I arrived in your neighbourhood, it was 7.59pm. I didn’t want to be late, and I was worried of a thousand things that would stop me from reaching you. So I turned up early, and parked three blocks away, counting down the time before I can meet you.

When we were on the carousel, you looked so dreamy on the wooden horse. It’s almost as if you belong in a fantasy, where the skies are always blue, and animals would talk to you; all the more reasons for me to fall for you.

When it came time to say goodbye, I told myself, ‘it’s now or never’. But you beat me to it and told me something that I never thought would come true. I’ve only dreamt of this moment: when I get to say I love you, and hear you tell me you love me too.