rEaR vIeW (Amnesia _ I Need Ya)

Chapter 31

Zayn's pov

I don't remember how long I've been trying to move every single muscle in my body. It aches everywhere now. There is a sharp pain in my head. The pain I am so used to now.

Whenever anyone came to talk with me I was so desperate to give them a response, to assure them that I was still in here unable to move and breath on my own.

For the past month, I'm listening to everything going around. Every sob they let out for me. Every little fight they had and how they overcame it. How much they cared for me.

I had so much to say. So much to do. I felt so feeble and trapped because all I could do was listen.

So that's exactly what I was doing as my girlfriend came to meet me for the first time after I kicked her out that day.

I was so angry. Watching me like this again was the last thing I wanted for her. I let her go for a reason. I couldn't see her in despair because of me.

Her whimpers and mewls dug a hole in my heart. I knew there were a lot of people around her. She had a lot of support. But I wanted to hold her. I wanted this all to just end. And she felt the exact same way.

"Zayn! This is enough now. Enough of this drama. You told me to go and I did because I thought you were better off without me. But this won't do. I am not leaving now. You have to come back to us!", she sobbed.

I can imagine what she feels. If roles reversed I would be in an exact same condition like her. Man, I love this woman so bad. I thought I lost her but she is stubborn as hell. I know she won't ever give up on us.

"Hey, baby. Don't cry. How do you think Zayn will feel after hearing you cry", my strong mom softly whispered and I'm sure was holding her.

I don't know exactly how many people were there in the room. But it was full of whispers. I have no idea why everyone has gathered around like this.

I could feel the boys' presence. I'm sure it was Liam who was clutching my hand tight from the other side.

"Thanks for calling me, Louis. Thanks for telling me about this accident. You guys don't have to worry about him being alone. I'll take care of him", she further added. I heard a few sad sighs.

The atmosphere seems really heavy today. That's when the almighty Shirley came in to save us from the awkwardness.

"Lunch is here", Shirley chirped from faraway, My assumption from the door. A familiar aroma of pizza hit my nose. Ugh, I miss food. All I survive on is this feeding tube.

It's not like I can hear, feel and smell all the time. Sometimes I fall unconscious. I like to say that I go to sleep. I don't remember anything about that period.

Sometimes I get flashes as if they are dreams. Sometimes it's a blinding white light. Sometimes I get sensitive to even the slightest sound and light, where my head hurts as if I'm dying. Most of the time it's just noises and darkness.

As much as I try to explain I don't think anyone would understand the isolation it brings. I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by the people who love me. But I am still lonely and alone.

It took me a long time to accept my current state. There were times when I yearned to die. It might have put everyone including me free.

There were days when I thought I would get up the next minute only to get my hopes crushed.

'A week later', here I am. My family, my friends, the love of my life, everyone important to me was right here. They were rooting for me. They were supporting each other. That's all I ever wanted.