rEaR vIeW (Amnesia _ I Need Ya)

Epilogue

Shirley's Pov

I always thought that 'acceptance' is the most difficult for humans. I never really gave a thought to 'letting go' of things. Turns out the latter is tougher.

Even if you accept something, it doesn't work until you 'let go' of your previous knowledge.

We like to be in this comfortable bubble. Once it breaks, we start holding our breaths and run helter-skelter.

Some try to find another bubble, some do too. But they again follow the same vicious cycle. Their life is wasted in running behind temporary things.

Only a few succeed in 'letting go' of that bubble. Only a few understand that instead of holding your breath, all you had to do was just 'breath'.

It took me a long time to do so. I have finally accepted that nothing is the same anymore.

At some point, I needed to move on instead of dwelling in the past. This last one year was all about learning the same for me.

"There you are. We are going to be late for work. Then Dr William will start giving us dirty looks", Jacob hugged me from behind, startling me in the process.

"Since when did you start caring. I'm almost done. Just let me grab some files. We need to grab some coffee on our way through", saying such I struggled out of his grip.

I don't know why I am still so awkward around him. He just gave me a smile and started walking out of my room.

We are best buddies now. We often crash at each other's places. This morning was not so different as he stayed while we worked on a new case.

Putting my pen down, I grabbed the diary I was writing in and put inside my bag and started rushing along with him.

These two years changed a lot for me. I was reflecting the same in my diary, a habit I picked up from Harry. Saying this feels so foreign.

I finally forgave my mother but couldn't establish a relationship with her. My colleagues have started respecting me after handling Zayn's case. I literally owe everything to one direction at this point.

It was hard letting them go too. It was difficult to know that as much as I want those five boys from the stairs they are long gone, replaced by the amazing gentlemen they are today.

It is selfish of me to even think that Zayn's accident would change things. He went through something horrible, something no one should face.

A part of me wished to use his accident as an excuse to solve things between them. When they were together I even felt thankful for the incident and won't forgive myself for that.

After they left the hospital, they tried their best to visit. At least one of them could come by in a week. But soon, it became difficult. They kept the tabs through the phone.

Zayn woke two months after his initial movements. It was a long time. They got accustomed to his condition. Everyone started resuming their lives. Zayn was behind the clock though.

Jacob was right there, filling me on his conditions as I started working in the hospital. It ate me to not be there. So I knew very well that the boys felt the same.

When he woke up, everyone was overjoyed. They finally were able to save his life. His memory was back to normal. I was right beside him when he asked about the boys.

We told him they were busy. That they would call. And call they did. Niall and Harry even came to meet him after the tour was over. But I felt very uneasy.

Nothing was like earlier. They talked, even met often but it didn't make me feel the way I used to feel. It was over. One direction was over.

"What are you thinking?", Jacob asked me from the driver's seat. I was busy in my own world as usual.

"Do you think they forgot me?", I asked him out of the blue. I kept wondering this for a long time.

Zayn was back to New York. He was resting and has already put an album out. Although, we haven't seen him out much.

The rest of them were busy too. She understood. But what was she expecting? Who was she even?

She was not their friend or family. She was just a mere doctor who saved her patient's life.

It's not like they stopped immediately acter Zayn went back. They sent her cards on her birthday, even wished on holidays.

"That's bull! They are busy and you are too. Why don't you try and call Niall if you miss them? He always is a good choice to have a talk", he suggested but I just nodded half-heartedly. I am not forcing myself into their lives.

Why am I giving myself so much importance? Why am I feeling empty? What is going on today? I don't even know if they still talk or not. They never say anything publicly. Harry and Zayn are back to their personal selves.

It made me realize that I don't know their life. Fans are just a small fraction of their it. It is so much more humane. I don't know them. Nobody does.

I need to get a grip on my life on my own. Why did I burden them with saving it when I should have been the one doing so.

I did not even realize when the car stopped. Jacob was looking at me sceptically, "What is wrong? You didn't say a single word. What is bothering you?"

I just stared at him for a while. Still thinking of a way to start giving myself a chance. When I suddenly realized it was here all along. I have to let go of my fears. I have to take risks to be happy.

Jacob's brown eyes held answers to all my doubts. Without giving him any chance to talk further, I crashed my lips to his, "You talk too much".

"Finally", is what he said as we climbed down holding each other's hands.

Just because they are gone doesn't mean I keep waiting for them to come back so that I would function. My happiness shouldn't depend on that. It's a disrespect to them.

That does not mean I will stop loving them. I will support them and thank them for the memories. But it is time I 'let go'. I set them free and every directioner in this world should too. They shouldn't live with the guilt of disappointing us.

Zayn shouldn't live with the guilt of leaving the band. Harry shouldn't feel guilty about choosing not to share his personal life.

Louis, Liam and Niall shouldn't be scared of questions related to hiatus and breaking the hearts of their fans.

They are the biggest boyband in the world. They will always be for us. We are the best fans in the world. And we will prove to be so for a long time.

We have to accept whatever decision they make and let go of our stupid grudges.

_

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Cannot explain how I am feeling. I will write a proper author's note tomorrow. But Rear View has officially ended. I hope I gave justice to the ending. I will explain it properly in the author's note.

Before I write the note I want you to ask me any questions you have regarding the whole story, including the epilogue. I will answer all of them. Keep loving one direction. I love you all. Xx