Reunited

CW: This will be obvious to anyone who has read Berserk but just in case, mentions of trauma, rape and death. Nothing explicit but it is vaguely alluded to.

"Casca!" Guts screamed as she fell to her knees. Her scream broke off into a fit of coughing that left her gasping for breath. He dove to her side and she collapsed into him.

Her eyes were wide with fear and her words came out stuttering and messy. "I can hear them, I can, they're screaming," she whispered, pressing her hands over her ears. "I couldn't save him. Couldn't. I wanted to. I had to. I couldn't," she shook her head frantically, tears leaking from behind tightly shut eyelids.

Guts reached out for her but stopped himself at the last second, his hands hovering inches away from her. He clenched his fists in frustration and let his arms fall to his sides. "Casca," he breathed, unsure of how to help. "There's nothing you could have done."

"I should have been better," she insisted. "I, I should have tried harder." Her words were interrupted by hiccuping sobs and Guts found himself stuck, not knowing how to console her. He knew she wouldn't be back to normal immediately but this was not what he had expected.

Casca continued to speak, "He didn't have to die, Judeau, he," hysteria crept into her voice and when she opened her eyes again they were unfocused.

She raised her head weakly to look at Guts but her gaze was directed at something far beyond him. "I," her hyperventilation slowed down and she trailed off uncertainly.

Guts' expression grew into one of confusion. He didn't pick up immediately on what was happening, unused to seeing those dark eyes so empty and lifeless. Then it hit him and he finally allowed himself to reach out and grab her by the shoulders.

"No," he said forcefully, gritting his teeth. "No, look at me," he tightened his grip and stared intensely at the girl he had worked so hard to bring back. His words stumbled over each other as he calls out desperately. "Stay focused Casca. I did not travel halfway across the fucking world just to lose you again. Look at me!"

The moment he said that Casca's expression morphed from despair to something resembling frustration. "You did, didn't you," she mumbled, meeting his gaze at last. "After all this time." She raised her hand weakly and jabbed a finger into his chest but her hands were shaky and there was no force behind her words. "After all this time, you're still risking your life, getting hurt. All for me."

Her body trembled as another wave of sobs hit her and Guts felt tears of his own threaten to spill. "You idiot. You fool. I remember now. More and more I remember. Fighting monsters. And that damned armour of yours." She jabbed him again and Guts noticed some strength returning to her. "You could have died," she said accusingly.

Guts looked away, "I almost killed you wearing that thing, and you're angry because I could have died?"

"Do not change the subject," Casca insisted. "You never change do you?"

"What else do you remember?" Guts asked, immediately doing exactly what Casca had told him not to do. He truly did not ever change.

Casca drew her hand back towards herself, "I remember," she trailed off, staring at the ground. "I remember my time as Elaine. How much everybody cared for me, and how much trouble I was. I remember our time together as the Band of the Hawk. I remember the end, the demons and."

She paused her rambling then continued with a sombre finality, "Griffith."

His name made her freeze and Guts instinctively stiffened up in a defensive manner. Casca's hands flew up to her head and she doubled over as another wave of memories hit her. "Griffith," she said again, breathless and forced.