Another Michael

Chapter 17

For a while we just sat there on the floor. There seemed to be a lot of moments of silence between us since we were no longer just friends. We didn't know what to say, or rather, whatever words we might have had were useless. And I think we both knew that.

I was already a bit ashamed of myself for being such a weakling and jumping into bed with him or not even into bed, but on the floor, but not ashamed enough to regret it. Plus, I was definitely under his spell. Not enough to do anything he would have asked me to, but enough to do that.

Eventually he broke the silence:

'So let's give it a try.'

That I did not expect.

'A try...?' I knew what he meant, but I needed confirmation. This was huge.

'Yes. Let's give US a try' he said in his softest tone and took my hand.

So I was right. He actually went there. Now what? I had no idea how to respond to that. I wanted it, of course I wanted it, but I wasn't sure I could handle it. So I started playing defense.

'Aren't you a bit fast on that?'

'No' he said firmly.

'I think it's the sex talking.'

'No! No, it's not!'

'You're in a fuck fog, Michael.'

So was I, but it didn't make me ask for relationships. It just made me really horny.

He chuckled a bit embarrassed, but replied.

'This is not about the sex. Not just about the sex.'

'Because, you know, you shouldn't ask somebody to be in a relationship right after you had sex. People do that at 16, not at our age.'

'We're not the same age and that's not what this is!' he insisted.

'Or especially after you haven't seen them in a long time and then go all horny on their ass...'

'Oh, boy, no...' Now he was really embarrassed and looking down.

This was going nowhere so I decided to get serious.

'Where have you been, Michael?'

He was a bit surprised at the question, like I wasn't supposed to ask.

'I was... umm... out.'

'Out where? Out of town? Out of the country? Out of it?'

With a long sigh, he replied almost inaudible:

'Out of my mind...'

I felt his grief, but this time it just wasn't going to cut it. I deserved more than this.

'Can you tell me more?'

He sighed again. Obviously this conversation was very difficult to him.

'I can, but it really doesn't matter. It doesn't make a difference.'

'I'd like to be the judge of that, please.'

'Mona...'

'I'd like to know.'

'Ok then. I was here.'

'Here, right here? You were at home?'

'Mainly yes. I mean mostly at home. I worked a lot. I spent my days doing whatever it is I do now: putting on a disguise in the morning and going out to people's houses and literally helping them. Doing volunteer work in hospitals, with sick children. Reading them bedtime stories. Paying for their medical bills. And making the arrangements for your cat sanctuary.'

I smiled. I wanted to hug him. But I felt there was more to this story.

'Thank you. And what else?'

'Not much else.'

'Tell me what little else, then.'

And he suddenly burst out:

'Mona, I'm afraid!'

That totally took me by surprise. I stared at his wide eyes.

'Afraid...?'

'YES!' he almost yelled. 'I'm afraid!'

'Of...?'

'Of YOU!!!'

I wasn't saying anything because those two little words were just so much for me to handle.

He cleared his throat.

'Actually, I'm afraid of myself. In your presence, I am lost for words, I don't know what to say. My head's spinning like a carousel every time we're together. And even when we're not.'

His words were making me so happy. What was he saying lost for words? He had all the right words and then some.

I couldn't contain my smile.

'It's the same for me, you know' I said.

'It is?' he beamed and filled up the room with the brightness of his smile.

'Of course it is' I smiled back.

But he got worried again.

'Yes, but you're this way because I'm Michael Jackson. For me this is real!'

He was kind of pissing me off. Who does he think he is?

'Michael, who the hell do you think you are?'

I guess nobody else told him that before because he crossed his arms over his chest and opened his mouth in astonishment, like a ghetto lady at a flea market.

'Why do you think that would be my only reason? Do you really think I'm that superficial? Sure, being who you are is a great impact especially because you were my idol, but if you had a shitty personality I wouldn't have given you the time of day, except from telling you that I am in awe of your artistic genius. Must I remind you AGAIN that we were actually very good friends before I even knew who you were? Remember I said contact me when you were sure? I see you're not sure, so why the hell did you call me then?!'

'That's why I needed to take my time' he whispered.

'Obviously your time was not enough, you need more.'

And as I said that, I lifted my body off the floor and went for the elevator door.

'NO! No, wait, don't leave me!'

'I'm not leaving you, I'm giving you the time you need to be sure of what you want.'

'Why are so you so damn mature?'

'One of us has to be!'

'You're right... I hate myself for this...'

'Oh, stop being such a crybaby! You are the king of music, for god's sake! The king of dance. You are an art form in yourself! Own up to your god given gift and translate it into relationships as well.'

He was still on the floor looking up at me, in dismay, while a trickle of white light was making its way through his dilated pupils and floating towards me.

'I love you' he said simply.

My heart stopped. My breathing stopped. I could feel the buzz of blood in my veins, unsure where to go next, wanting to break free and dance around. He loves me, he loves me, he loves me!

'I love you too' I mouthed soundlessly.

It was the only right answer. The real one. The only truth that I knew.