Random

"𝑮𝒖𝒊𝒍𝒕

8/1/19
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"Guilt"

I think about you quite often but it's not romantic at all. Usually it comes to haunt me In the night, music calms down the panic attacks that threaten to erupt. Our friendship is something I will always adore.
That night still haunts me in fragments and shards. Guilt is such a vile thing, it's tears me down when I lay in bed alone. Music can't keep the images that enter my mind. No matter how hard I push that shit down it keeps coming up. I wish my mother or father would have taught me how boys push there feelings down til their gone. You say you don't remember and I keep trying to work thought it by myself. Sometimes I let my mind wonder and sometimes I can actually forgot about the drunken words or the drunken giggles. Til I lay in bed at night and panic attack are on the horizon.

I want to talk to you about it so bad but you seems to be doing so good. I don't want you romantically, I want closure.

I want to be able to be able to lay in bed at night and not have those fragments entering my mind. I want to be able to be able to feel good and not have tears run down my face after. I want panic attack to stop coming. I used to be so good, I used to be able to lay down and go to bed. I'm so restless. I want to able to breath again