Legacy

Chapter 18: Burn As You Understand

I knew he disliked the taste of crimtane but drank it when there was nothing else. I knew he'd dated Calais Wentworth for six months on and off because they'd both hated the same guy back in Kane. I knew that he'd never had a serious committed relationship - and that he never wanted one. I knew that the only person he loved was his little sister - and he saw his parents only as unfortunate house-mates.

I knew that Lasseter had been trying to recruit him to some kind of screwed anti-something group, trying to exploit the many of his powers. I knew Stellaire thought Lasseter'd was messed in the head: a screw gone loose, the gears not turning but grinding. I knew that he thought I was "less fucked up than him, but you know, not by much."

I knew that he was a shape-shifter and a tracker to an accomplished degree, the shifting running in his family to some degree. I knew that when he changed into any person, he always kept one of their qualities when he changed back. Even if he didn't want to. And I knew - but not from his words - that his anger at both his parents was only exemplified because he'd changed into the two of them too many times.

I wondered how much it killed him to share these secrets in a steady trickle: sluggish but consistent. It was for me: an constant uncomfortable itch, each part of me I revealed to him. Most of the time in this Iriani alliance, we drank and smoked our way into a haze that made it harder to see what we were doing - and what we were saying.

I was shooting stars the lazy afternoon I told him about Alexei Riverane. Even though he'd pressed me for details about him, I'd decided to push the memories back another day - a day when I was too intoxicated to care. It took three months before there was any such day.

"We were always going to fuck each other over," I admitted, my voice a low drawl, deepened by the burn of cigarette smoke. He nodded: sharp and edgy. Ryder wasn't drinking or smoking today, not entangling himself in the sweet bite of any addiction. "We were completely unsuited." Two sharp-edged blades, unblunted and uncaring.

"So why'd you become friends then?" His question dove straight to the point, cutting through the silver smoke and embedding in my brain.

"Because I never cared about the consequences of what I did," I muttered irritably. "If it wasn't happening in that moment, then fuck it. I never lived beyond the next few hours."

"Healthy," Ryder commented, his tone wry.

"I'm the epitome of that," I sallied back. I took another drag, sucking in the smoke and letting it linger in my lungs before I exhaled, the silver smoke obscuring my vision. When it cleared, I began speaking again. "We became friends since his father became part of the Sol's Chosen. Christian Riverane was only on the edge of the table but soon enough, he was my father's right-hand. His lust for power was only one of the reasons Alexei hated him."

"Was his lust for other things also a reason?"

I paused, struck by dark memory and wretched, wretched remembrance. Soon, the crimtane was at my lips and sliding its fiery way down my throat, branding me black from the inside out. I swallowed, letting the fire flare up and then die in my stomach. "No. He shared that lust."

Ryder stayed silent: no snarky comment, no probing question. Just silence, waiting for me to break it, waiting for me to destroy all things as I always did.

"Alexei Riverane and I became friends when I was sixteen," I admitted, my voice a dying spark. "We were friends, bonded by shit parenting and a mutual hatred of most other people. But then gradually, we became something more. We were in a relationship - or some kind of mockery anyway."

Stellaire's face betrayed no surprise at the revelation. I wondered if he'd seen more of me than let on.

"To be honest, we never really were in a committed relationship for any long stretch of time. We took as much of each other as we wanted and then other times, we would just be friends. It continued like that for about seven months - until he said he wanted to commit, wanted me to be just with him."