This is just a public diary no one will read

Whatever

I'm on an antidepressant. Or I partially am, I've been forgetting to take it. Because the days I take it nothing feels good anymore like when I first started it,
Now I just wanna down the entire container, all 30 pills. I would be found snuggled up in bed dead, which unfunnily rhymes. My mom would be the one to find me, she'd be leaving for her job and would ask what time I work and there would be no answer.
Do people who commit suicide find covers for their job or do they just leave their jobs calling for them with no response unless a family member picks up the phone?
I'd have to clean out a lot of shit on my phone before dying lol
Sounds real bad to say lol
I might cut tonight.
I am just not happy with who I am and what my life is. Sure I can change it but I'm tired of trying. Tired of faking a smile and holding myself up.
I can't even cry as much as I want to
I can only curl up tighter