Before I Let You Go (In memory of Cameron Boyce)

Part 18

I moved into my new home a few weeks ago. It has a backyard and it's closer to the Boyce's house so we can walk over to each other's houses when the baby arrives. It's perfect for us. I'm thirty four weeks along now and I'm waddling constantly and I swear I pee when I sneeze because my pelvic floor muscles are a mess.

I've decided to have a baby shower. I finally caved when I bought the baby's crib and put it together. I realised this baby is coming and I want to enjoy every moment.

Today is the day of my baby shower. I let Libby and Maya do all the planning and decorating. They've decorated my house in lots of pink streamers and balloons. They have also set up some baby shower games and organised the food. I'm so grateful for everything they have done.

The day is enjoyable and everyone joins in all the games. The guests and I sit in a circle in my living room for presents. I open all the gifts, baby clothes, toys, bottles, pacifiers, blankets, books and other things for the baby I hadn't even thought about like a thermometer and humidifier incase she gets sick.

After I finish opening the gifts, Dove starts to chant "speech, speech, speech!" And everyone joins in.

Reluctantly I give in. "Thank you everyone for coming. It really means a lot to me that you are all here, not just because of the presents." They all laugh.

"But because you have all been here for me through all of this. I couldn't have healed as much as I have or have made it this far if it wasn't for everyone in this room but especially you Libby, Victor, Maya, Karan, Peyton, Dove, Booboo, Sofia, China and my aunt Lisa." I continue.

"This little girl growing inside me is so lucky to have all of you and to already be so loved even though she isn't here yet. I'm lucky too. When Cameron died I didn't know if I would ever get through that pain and even though sometimes it still hurts, I know eventually I'll be alright, because I have each and every one of you. It was a huge shock when I found out I was pregnant. I was so scared and still very much in my grief. I didn't think that I could handle it but you've all shown me that I can and that even on the days I can't, you're all willing to help me pick up the slack." I begin to tear up.

"I wish Cameron was still here. I miss him every day. Cameron gave me our daughter, a new perspective on life and showed me that I am deserving of love. I was so lucky to have been loved by him. And I know he can't give me anything more, but I will always be grateful for what he has given me. I'll take the memories, the lessons and our little girl with me for a life time. I just wish I could take him too."

By the time I'm done everyone in the room including me has tears in their eyes.

The people in this room became my family even though we aren't all blood related. We all held each other up in dark times. I don't want to say that everything happens for a reason because I don't believe it, at least not completely. What happened to Cameron was so random and tragic and has left the world without one of its brightest lights of hope and positive change. But Cameron's death changed so many people for the better.

I don't think there is a single person who doesn't feel his absence in the world. Cameron was so special and full of love and life. Now that he's gone, I know I can feel how different things are without him here.

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A/N: hi all, sorry I haven't been updating every day like I usually do but I'm working full time hours at the moment while trying to study so even when I do have time to update, I don't have a lot of brain power to write anything good and I don't want to give you shit chapters.

Thanks for being so patient.

Any guesses on the baby name?

I already have it picked but I want to know your thoughts.

- Tay