The Moral of the Story is

Internal Struggles

As I walk barefoot on the filthy carpet floor of my room, I notice a familiar white ball of fabric hiding underneath my dresser. Relief floods me momentarily as I reach for the slightly filthy pair of socks bringing them to my nose to determine if they are clean enough to be worn today. After multiple inhales, I have determined that these are the foulest socks in the world but due to lack of time, I decide to wear them anyway.

"Now...where are my shoes?" I wonder as I once again begin the treacherous journey of finding something to wear in my junky room. Pacing around my room for a good two minute has awarded me with both shoes, slightly worse smelling than my socks. "I need to throw these in the wash." I groan, understanding fully that I won't do it. Exhausted from the search, I lay on my bed hoping to relax for a bit.

"Willy! Are you ready yet we need to leave now or else we might get caught in traffic." My mom yells my stupid nickname from down the hall. As I sit up from my bed, slowly getting over the fact that my hopes were shattered by my mom's unnecessary yelling. Our apartment isn't big at all and it's been extremely quiet since The Coleman's moved out from above us. Making my way down the short hall, I sneak a peek into Caroline's room. Her room is much cleaner and organized than mine is or ever will be. Her room needs to be that clean anyway; we don't want her to end of developing something new. Something deadlier.

"What took you so long? If we wait any longer then we're going to be late." My mother seems almost furious, she usually is when it comes to Caroline.

"I was looking for something to wear," I say apathetically with a shrug.

"Evidently you weren't looking hard enough if that's what you plan on wearing." Her facial expression forming a smirk showing me that this is her attempt at a joke. Her eyes go over my baggy shirt, faded jeans and dirty sneakers.

"Yeah...I guess I wasn't" I say trying to form a smile even though I'm slightly uncomfortable with my mom's sudden sense of humor. Her personality is almost foreign to me due to her spending long hours at work and visitations to the hospital. I don't blame her though, she's doing what needs to be done to provide for us and I know she loves Caroline and I so why should I make her sacrifice her work time just because I'm feeling left out.

Well let's get going, I'm sure your sister is ready to see us already." She says while walking out the door. I'm sure she's right though, every time we visit or release Caroline from the hospital she acts as though she hasn't seen us in ages, though the feeling is mutual. It always feels like forever when I see her and her tight hug with her short arms enhances the feeling.

As we make our way down the steps of our apartment, my mother mentions for the 100th time this week how much better life has gotten for her since the Coleman's moved out. While I understood her cries of joy the first few times I now slightly wished that they had stayed, but I am also grateful that we no longer have to hear they loud and obnoxious lovemaking throughout the night. One of the perks of being downstairs neighbors to a newlywed couple. Though it has been almost two weeks since they have left, I still hear the faint sounds of Mrs. Coleman begging for more from her equally passionate husband gave her all that she was asking for and then some. They even gave us the treat of hearing their various kinks as well.

As the car goes down the highway at 60mph, I blankly stare outside of the window with thoughts of my father. What does he look like? Does he have a new family? Does he miss us?

"I wonder when we'll hear back from NCU?" My mother wonders aloud, in all honesty, I am grateful that she removed me from my toxic thoughts with a new dilemma.

"Soon I hope, I really want to get in." Meaning my words I don't realize that I am smiling."I can see, I hope so too because you know what they say Willy: There's nothing..."

"...more valuable than an education, I know mother," I say while cutting her off. I've heard that expression all my life and I have no intention of hearing it again.

" I know you're tired of hearing me say it." She says reading my thoughts "but it's true, I don't want you to go there and let the new environment defer you from what's important.

"I won't," I say rolling my eyes and pushing my short brown hair behind my ear.

"You know I really wish you hadn't cut your hair it was so beautiful." She says with a frown.

"It took almost a week for you to notice!" I accidentally blurt internally realizing that I am being selfish expecting her to notice something as stupid as a haircut.

"If you hadn't worn a hood over your head maybe I would have noticed sooner." She mentions, bringing up a good point.

" Sorry, I didn't mean to yell." I apologize. She's right.

"..."

As she parks the car into St. Johns Memorial Hospital's designated parking lot, I decide to pull out my phone to check if I have any new notifications. Unsurprisingly I don't, I knew I wouldn't but a simmer of hope that I may have one friend made me look, I blame them.

Walking into the hospital feels like walking back into your house after a long vacation. This place might as well be my second home considering that I'm here so often. My mom checks in with the receptionist as I catch the stare of a boy with a phone in his hand staring at me.