A Spaceman

Chapter 9--His Love

"What is the nature of your relationship with Titus Card?" the IA guy asks me. I am on Keplar, sitting in an interrogation room. Thanks Titus. Not only do you have to decide you want to annihilate the human race for reasons best known to you, but you decide that this is really great time to tell me you love me. Nice. I want to strangle him for what he'd done. What he'd done to the Ulyssess. What he'd done to all of us. and I want to smack him upside the head for what he'd said about me.

"I do not have a relationship with him," I say, for possibly the twentieth time, "I was in training with Maj. Gen---with Titus Card. At that time, we were close. We did have sex once, thirty two years ago. Only once. Nothing ever came of it. When he returned to the Ulyssess hours before his betrayal he appeared to have feelings for me. He kissed me once. I did not reciprocate nor did I encourage his behavior."

"Why didn't you like him? Why did you sleep together only once?" he asks. I'm not telling him about the slap. I've told him about the sex that's bad enough I never, ever wanted to talk about that. I don't know why. Maybe because I enjoyed it.

"Because I was not that attracted to him. I slept with him thirty two years ago because we were kids and I felt like it. I didn't again because I didn't like him all that much. He was cold, he wasn't affectionate, he never told me he loved me," I say. Well that's a lie but the only people who  know it's a lie are dead. 

"Not until three days ago," the IA guy says, almost satisfied.

"Yeah, no, not until then," I sigh, tipping my head back. I have been in these interviews for the past three days. North and I going into the Ulyssess hadn't helped that. But they were mostly concerned with the overall fact that in his manifesto Titus had decided to declare his undying love for me. God that idiot. He made me sick. Thinking of him made me sick. Thinking of how I let him touch me made me sick. Sick sick. I thought he was okay. I thought he was misunderstood, too clever by half, lonely---not a murderer. Not heartless.

"Did he ever speak to you about his time on the North Rim? Encounters with the Isylgyns? Any malice towards the government, even in fun, joking, that sort of thing?" he asks

"No, he didn't---nothing concrete, he said stupid things like pretend to be mad at people he wasn't---nothing serious, nothing that would give it away," I say, sighing, "We've been through this, I've done the polygraph, I've been stared at by your lie detectors. Just court martial me or for God's sake let me help find the bastard."

"The interviews cannot conclude until you give us justification for why you are mentioned," he says, sitting down across from me. In his crisp neat suit. He didn't just see his friend's bodies hanging in space, their chests burned open, heads burned off, faces half gone, all suspended in space fear still stricken in their eyes.

"I've told you. the only reason is because yes, I knew he had feelings for me. other people knew it too, it wasn't some secret. We were the same rank, it wasn't a big deal. We'd worked together many times, and had the odd drink like you do, but I quarreled with him. if anything I rejected him," I say, sighing. Half of me wonders what would have happened if I hadn't rejected him that night. If I hadn't quarreled if I had kissed him again.

"Why did he give you orders to go back to Keplar?" he asks.

"I don't know. He said they were from Commander Thorn, maybe they were. If he weren't dead, we could ask him," I sigh.

"We received no orders that you were to return," he says, flatly.

"Then he probably made them up. He did it at the last minute, he just decided to save me from the slaughter," I say, annoyed, "Since he apparently loves me then that would make sense, wouldn't it?"