Is it bad how every night, I have to distract myself while trying to sleep because I'm trying to ignore my body craving to be in your arms? When if I lay completely still my body feels empty and almost naked because it longs for your arms to be wrapped around me. People say that I'm so tired all the time because I stay up on my phone all night when in reality, I'm stuck tossing and turning, trying to get rid of that feeling. And yes I'm on my phone for part of it all but that's me trying to distract myself. I can't remember the last time I got a proper night of sleep, because for so long, I've longed to be in your arms all night long. I've longed for you to hold me and tell me about your day and calm my worries that I have for the next day. I've longed for you to hold me and kiss me and love me and just be here. I want to be able to wake up snuggled against your chest, to look up and see your amazing face looking so peaceful. For you to wake up and smile at me. God that amazing smile you rarely show. I want this so bad it hurts and I lose sleep over this shit. And the worst part? You don't know. You don't know how badly I want to be in your arms. You don't know how badly I want that kind of relationship. Hell, I don't think you even know how much I've fallen in love with you. It's always been you. Ever since the day I met you, it was you. Even through our fights, it's been you. Even though we aren't even together anymore, it will always be you. You asked me today if I liked anyone else, because it had been so long since we ended it. And my heart ached because you actually thought I would've had feelings for someone else by now. When all I can think about when I see couples is you. When I see people in a relationship, I think of you. When my family asks if I have a boyfriend yet, when I tell them I'm focusing on school, all I can think about is how much I want you. I know I sound like a crazy person, but it's always you. And it's always going to be you.
