Is Your OC a Mary Sue?

Soneko Akitsumi (Sword Art Online)

[My review looks like this.]

"Why smile when all I feel is reoccurring fear and sorrow?" - Soneko Akitsumi

Real Life Name: Soneko Akitsumi 

Age: 13 (Beginning of Aincrad Arc), 15 (End of Aincrad Arc, Fairy Dance Arc), 16 (Phantom Bullet Arc), 17 (End of Sword Art Online)

[Good name, the ages make sense.]

Beta Tester?: No

[Oh thank god, I've seen so many SAO OCs that are beta testers and extremely overpowered.]

Hair Colour: Brown

Eye Colour: Amber

Height: 5'6

Date of Birth: February 10th, 2010

Nationality: Japanese

[Her appearance seems to match her nationality, which is good. The date of birth matches up with the ages too.]

Illnesses (Mental/Physical): Insomnia

[A very common mental illness, especially amongst gamers. I like this addition as it makes the character seem more humane.]

Marital Status: Single

Sexuality: Demisexual

Personality: Soneko Is A Girl Who At First Is Simply Just.... There. She Usually Spent Her Time In Crowds, Well, Next To Crowds. She's Quiet, Not Shy, Just Quiet. She Usually Doesn't Particularly Like To Meet New People, And She Often Can't Tell What Someone Else Is Feeling, And Sometimes Will React Wrongly, And Cause Her To Get Backlash. This Has Happened Several Times, Leading Her To Become Reserved And Quiet. When You Get To Know Her Though, She Won't Let You Get Close To Her Easily, And It Will Take Months. However, It's Worth It, Because She Is Extremely Loyal And Protective, And Its The One Time Where Her Quiet And Reserved Nature Gets Thrown Out The Window.

[This personality is put together really well and none of the traits clash with each other. Maybe add a few more personality traits that are to do with events other than real-life social situations. What is she like at school, does she work hard or tend to slack off? When playing games like SAO, is she very competitive or more casual? Smaller things like this always help to add realism and build character and will help the readers bond with your character more.]

 Appearance: She Has Long, Brown Hair, Which Usually Isn't Kept Very Well, Amber Eyes, And Fair Skin. She Usually Wears Something Like A Hoodie Or Turtleneck Sweater, With Either Brown Shorts With Leggings Under Them, Or Simply Brown Pants.

[You can use her appearance to add detail to her personality. You wrote 'she has long, brown hair, which usually isn't kept very well'. This could imply that she's a very indifferent and nonchalant person as she doesn't stress too much about her appearance, and you could then add this to her personality to build character. Little things like this always help :). Overall, the appearance is pretty okay, but also try describing things like complexion, facial features and physique. It will help the readers get a more vivid image of her, which builds realism.]

Relationships:

 Miya Akitsumi - Older Sister (By 2 Years/15 (Beginning Of Aincrad Arc) 17 (End Of Aincrad Arc, Fairy Dance Arc) 18 (Phantom Bullet Arc) 19 (End Of Sword Art Online ||), In The Hospital) Soneko And Miya Were And Still Are Extremely Close. Before Miya Was Put Into The Hospital Due To Her Cystic Fibrosis And Weak Immune System. Miya Has Darker Hair Than Soneko, Amber Eyes And Fair Skin. She Would Often Wear Oversized Shirts And Simple Pants Or Skirts.