Love Or Life; The Marathon We Run

2. Grief

[Sassi's Mother]

My heart was restless the whole day which was very less often. But this time, it was something else, something new. I was feeling a heavy load of someone's absense. I was missing someone and i was worried about someone. But who?

I couldn't name that "who" until Maghrib when the sun was hiding itself slowly and steadily and permitting the night to take over. Then i knew, it was Sassi for whom my heart was aching. Although she was at her best friend's house and she used to go there very often. But my mind was making weird scenarios itself resulting in speeding up my heartbeat.

Trying to defeat all the thoughts, i decided to call her instantly and ask if she was okay. Dialing her number, i felt a little hasitant for calling her from home just for asking if she's fine. But for now, i just wanted peace of mind so i called.

My bearly beating heart sped up in an instant when instead of the rings i heard, " The number you've dialed is not reachable. Please try again later"

A thought popped up instantly in order to defeat another deadly thought. Maybe her phone is out of battery? Alternatively i dialed Zimal's number because thats where she was. After a couple of rings that felts like an eternity, she finally picked up.

".....Salam A...Aunty. How are you?", she sounded hesistant.
"Zimal beta, sorry to disturb you both but can i talk to Sassi for a moment?", I could only appeal.

For a moment, it was all quite and scary, but then she spoke, "Umm Aunty. She....umm....she's not here"

Just after a few seconds of panics, my brain started to calm me down as soon as i thought of something, "Oh okay. But she told me she was going to your house. Ummm anyways its okay but do you have any idea of where she must be?"

"No Aunty. Umm let me call her. She must be fine dont worry", she exclaimed.

"No ummm i called her but her phone is out of reach. I'm so worried. Its been a whole day", my eyes became wet and heart paniced.

Noticing silence on the other side of the phone, i thought to hang up because i knew she must be worried as well, "okay beta I'll call you when she'll be back. You dont worry......oh and inform me as soon as you know something about her. Okay?"

"Okay...Aunty", she seemed tensed.

As soon as i hunged up, my eyes got wet. Tears started rolling down my cheeks and heart started mantra of my Sassi and safety. I clearly remembered she told me that she was going to Zimal's house for a project. Why would she lie? Maybe she is stuck in a problem? Will she be fine? Ya Allah have mercy on my daughter.

A couple of more hours of wait later, Sassi's delay became scarier and suspicious. I called her again but got the same responce. My anxiety was touching the sky so i felt it better to inform Sassi's father.

He reported to all the city police stations and called all her friends that he could. But no one knew anything about Sassi. My mind was constantly pinching me with a thought that i was not ready to accept but at the end i had to.

While Sassi's father was busy talking to police on phone, i hesitantly and secretly stood up and went to Sassi's room. Such a big mess yet a feeling of absense of something in her room. I ran to her closet and banged it open.

My soul at once left my body and it felt like it wont ever come back to me. The world around me disappeared and it felt like i wont ever feel anything around me. My heart at once stopped beating and it felt like i will never be alive again nor i ever was.

Her closet was half empty and half messed screaming the reasons of her absense and hints of our shame and disgrace.

She was gone.....indeed she went missing by her own will. She murdered her family....she killed us.