What Happens Off Screen (A Total Drama Action Duncan X Gwen Fanfic)

Chapter 9- I'll Hurt Them If I Stay

Trent's POV

I picked up the pace to a jog. I'm gonna runaway from this place. I'm a mess. I look at my pills. I wasn't trying to overdose, or hurt myself. I had to take them. I take them three times a day. I read the label.

O'DONAVAN, TRENT

OCD MEDICATION

DR. MAXWELL

I have OCD, I have it in 2 rare cases.

The two types are,

.Magical Thinking Intrusive Thoughts

.Relationship Intrusive Thoughts

I have OCD over the number 9, and I have OCD over Gwen. When I say Gwen I mean I have obsessive thoughts that she won't be faithful.

Who can blame me? Everyone sees the way she is with him. But I can't even worry about that now. She's no longer mine.

I can't blame Gwen for my RIT OCD. I've always had it. In previous relationships I've been obsessive. Needing constant reassurance that they weren't cheating.

Before TDI I was in a serious relationship with a girl named Kelsi. Kelsi was a beautiful, petite blonde. But my favourite thing about her, was her voice.

She sang like an angel. Her voice was smooth like sweet honey, I could almost taste it. I was convinced we would be together forever. She laughed at all my jokes and sang along to all my songs. We had even been to multiple record companies trying to sell demos of our music we made together. And one day, one of the record companies became interested. In her.

I supported her and went to everyone one of her gigs. I was of course her biggest fan. I occasionally went through her fan mail and organized it for her. She didn't mind, I was being a big help apparently. And one night after a big gig at a party, I was waiting in her dressing room with flowers. That's when I saw a note on her dressing table.

KELSI,

Last night was great, can't wait to see you again. Meet me after your show at,

256 Fillmore Ave.

(near Centennial Parkway)

Marc, xx

I threw the flowers onto the ground and stormed out of her dressing room. I got into my car and drove. I didn't think about where I was going, but somehow my feet seemed to drive me there anyway.

The sign read, Fillmore Avenue.

I drove around the tightly packed culdasack. It was too late to back out now I thought. 256.

I stormed out of the car and slammed the car door behind me. The lights were dimmed through the window. My teeth clenched.

I noticed my ridiculously heavy breathing. My fist tightened and it was raised over the door.

THIS ISN'T YOU, my head was screaming trying to get me to stop. I fought the voice. This is me. After many hesitations my fist finally rapped the door aggressively. I don't know why I was so aggressive. But all I could think about was the many nights I lay beside Kelsi. I remembered how much I loved the sound of her soft breathing. In and out, as her chest raised and fell. I could watch her sleep and never get bored. She always loved it when my eyes were looking down on her as hers were just opening.

KNOCK KNOCK!

I heard footsteps and I could feel sweat running down the back of my head. I had no idea what I was here to achieve. But all that I knew was that I was gonna give that guy a right piece of my mind.

I heard keys rattle in door. I was really afraid now but I was too angry too care.

The door handle was being pulled down...

The door was creaking open...

A guy that was far taller than me, with longish blonde hair and he was wearing nothing but leopard skinned spandex briefs.

He looked so confused, he must have been expecting Kelsi.

We stood just kind of looking at each-other awkwardly and I was looking for the right words to say.

"Where's Kel-?" he started but I had had it.

So I punched him hard in the face and ran.

I just ran. I left my car. I didn't know where I was running to but once I started I couldn't stop. I felt free. That's what I'm doing now. It seems to have happened all over again. Only this time, in stead of hurting the jerk, I was the jerk hurting the girl. Gwen never cheated on me, but I knew she no longer loved me. My OCD had gotten worse. But it wasn't just OCD anymore, I was being violent and to someone who had done nothing wrong, to someone who I loved. I still love her, but it's too late for that. I can't blame my actions on my OCD because that was only part of it. I had grown into something that I screamed at myself I wasn't all those years ago. I had grown into a controlling, violent, obsessive monster.

I am no longer human, I am a monster, a beast, a demon. I don't deserve love. I don't deserve anything or anyone. People don't deserve the pain I cause them, especially not Gwen.

This is why I'm running away. I have been too busy re-thinking life I hadn't even come close to taking in my surroundings. I hadn't even acknowledged them. But soon the land underneath my feet had started to feel damp and my feet started to sink. Upon looking down I saw white sand. I took my shoes off. It was probably around 7 or 8 because the sky started to dim and it was mid-summer.

My feet on the sand was sheer bliss. I relaxed as it sunk in between my toes. The sand was damp and cold like the air around me. I took off my shirt and was even colder. I took a deep breath. I looked out onto the sea wondering how amazingly frightening the unknown is.

I took a few steps closer to the water. It's ice cold. I shiver but continue walking into the water.

You're a monster

Step

You hurt her

Step

You hurt everyone

Step

You shouldn't be near them

Step

You are going to hurt them if you stay...

Step

I was up to my chin in freezing cold water but I just started to swim. I wanted to be as cold as my heart was turning into. I wasn't out here to freeze to death. I was here to get away, swim to another place. Just get out of everyone's way and do them all a favor. Maybe I will die out here but..

I'll hurt them if I stay...