Behind Classroom Doors II (Student/Teacher)

CLV- Ulterior Motives

Livia's P.O.V.

I haven't had a good night's sleep in a really long time. When I do fall asleep, all I can dream about is Dean. I wake up in the middle of the night and stare at the ceiling until the alarm goes off. I turn and face Shawn. He sleeps so peacefully now. Ever since he found out about Jack, no more nightmares.

I can't do that for myself, there's no other way than to just deal with my problems. I sigh, watching as Shawn breathes evenly, snoring a bit too. It's almost as if nothing bothers him anymore. Not Dean, not my pregnancy loss, not even losing his job. He's so okay with everything now and I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing. "Are you watching me sleep?" Shawn startles me as his eyes open.

"Yes." I admit.

Shawn takes a deep breath, "Why aren't you sleeping?"

"Because I can't."

"Have you tried closing your eyes?" He deadpans.

"Shawn."

"Sorry." Shawn apologizes as he reaches out and grabs me in an attempt to pull me close. I wince at his touch, momentarily forgetting that my body is bruised and battered. "I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay." I say, knowing he doesn't want to hurt me. "I'm just frustrated and tired. Go back to sleep." I tell him. I know he has a big day today. He's turning in his two weeks notice after work. He's resigning just like we always feared things would come to. Although it could've been much worse. Putting in a notice is far better than a ruined reputation as a teacher.

Shawn sits up and moves so that he is hovering over me. "Are you just saying that so you don't have to talk anymore?" I can't figure out how he can just read me like that. Has he known me for that long? Or does he just pay attention? He takes my silence as a yes. "I don't want you to sit all alone in the dark, while I have a good night's sleep."

"How are you sleeping so well?"

His eyebrows draw in, "Because I have you with me."

I shake my head. "If I wasn't with you, you would sleep fine. You've dealt with your problems."

I look away from him as he moves back on the bed. "Livia, I'm having a hard time too. I just can't let it get to me or I'll fall apart." His eyes are dark, even with the moon light shining on him.

I sigh. "I know you're going through this too." I really didn't mean to suggest he isn't. "I'm just tired." I say as I turn my head to stare at the ceiling.

Shawn snakes his hand down my arm and down to grab my hand. I close my eyes and listen to him let out a shaky breath. "I used to have to move down to the couch. When changing my location didn't work, I would turn on the tv and watch whatever was on." I open my eyes as he continues. "Most of the time doing that and taking sleeping pills worked. Sometimes though, I'd end up awake the whole night. So uncomfortably awake, I started jogging to tire myself out." I never knew it was so extensive. Just when I think everything that he's been through, he opens up to me.

"The jogging helped?"

Shawn shrugs a shoulder, "If I got back before I had to leave for school, yeah." Without another word, I get out of bed and begin to change. Shawn lifts his head up to watch me with curious eyes. "What? Are you going to run now? It's like three in the morning."

I find some leggings and put them on. "I want to tire myself out or I'll never get a goodnight's rest in."

Shawn gets out of bed and walks over to me, he grabs my arms to stop my movements. "We're not in Colorado anymore, even if we were it's not safe out there this late."