Bliss || KOOKJIN ☑️ Complete

Chances

Jungkook

I knocked on my parent's bedroom as soon as I got home. I don't know why I suddenly feel sad and lost right after I lay my hands on my divorce decree. I went home feeling stressed and unsettled.

Mom opened the door and was surprised to see me. I rarely knock on their bedroom. I often talk to them during meals or at the living area.

"Jungkookie sweetheart! What made you come here?" Mom pulls me inside. "Take a seat. You have something to discuss with us?" Mom settles beside my dad who is currently reading a newspaper.

I pull a chair and sit in front of them. I handed them the envelope with my divorce paper. Dad get it from my hand and starts reading it.

"Great son! Finally!" Dad is so eager for this decree. "Whatever is your decision regarding your settlement with Jimin, I will not meddle. You being out of that fucking marriage is enough."

"Sweetheart, aren't you happy?" Mom said as she hold my hand.

"I am." I said, my head down. "But mom, dad, I don't know why I suddenly feel sad, unsettled, stressed, anxious.. I don't know. That piece of paper just reminded me that I failed."

"So you're just saying that you're blaming yourself of what happened?" My dad seems to not understand any of my feelings right now.

"Dad you know that I am the victim of an affair. It feels like someone just punched me right in my stomach. I'm now trying to evaluate myself on why Jimin behaved like that."

"You gave your all Jungkook. Don't dare think that you messed up that's why Jimin cheated on you!" Dad raised his voice.

"Sweetheart, It's been 7 months. I think you should have at least accepted that your marriage failed. And it's not entirely your fault. You gave your best. Besides, Jimin cheated even before your marriage. How can you say that it's your fault?"

"Mom I know I messed up somewhere. I felt ashamed. I don't know mom. I don't know why i suddenly feel guilty, ashamed, of what happened and I don't know why I am feeling it right now. I really thought that I'll be very happy once I get my hand on that paper but it seems like it only made me feel horrible about myself."

"Jungkook, don't act like you're.."

"Let him talk! Can you please get out of the room now?!" Mom cuts my dad out angrily. My dad went out of the bedroom. "Go on sweetheart. Let mama hear what you're feeling right now."

I began to cry.

"Mom, I'm sorry. But that's how I feel right now. I felt guilty knowing that I somehow failed on making the marriage work. And I'm scared that it will happen again. What if I messed up again and Jin leave me? What if I can't make him happy? What if I'll be a victim of another affair?"

Mom smiled at me and held my hand.

"Jungkook, it's normal to feel that. It's true that that divorce paper is a reminder of a failed and unsuccessful marriage. But if you look at the brighter side, why settle and keep a toxic relationship when you have the opportunity to be free, to be happy and like what you are looking forward to, start a relationship with Jin?"

"But what if I failed again?"

Mom sighs. "Do you want to live your life dwelling and locking yourself from your past experience Jungkook?"

I shake my head.

"You see, you tend to bury yourself in your belief that everything will fail just because you failed before. When you were a kid, you almost drown in the pool because you jumped on it without knowing the dangers of being in a deep water. But did it stopped you to learn how to swim?" Mom asked, not knowing what she meant by that.

"I'm a good swimmer mom." I said.

"Exactly! That nearly drowning experience you had made you more cautious. It made you realized that you need to learn how to swim so you will not get into the same bad experience again."

"Jungkook, you will eventually learn how to be a better person so as not to be in the same bad experience as before.  Your divorce will give you a strong understanding of what you need in life. Of what you really want in a relationship and how to make it work. It will give you knowledge on how to avoid a toxic relationship. "

"Don't let the memories of your past marriage give you the impression that it will give you the same result of being angry and hurt deeply again. Use your past experience to be more vigilant. Take chance sweetheart."

"You see, you just proved that you are not weak. You are strong enough to end a terrible relationship. You should feel stronger and more confident. You have the guts to file a divorce instead of saving a very complicated and emotionally taxing relationship. That's enough reason that you don't deserve to feel terrible towards yourself. Your relationship with Jimin was a total mess."

"It will also be healthy for Yoonjoon. Like what you said, Yoonjoon witnessed his father kissing another man. You discovering it made you feel terrible and unhappy. Kids are smarter than you think Jungkook and he can tell if his parents are unhappy. You want him to think that it's okay to settle to being unhappy? Don't let him get affected by those negative emotions."

"You're thinking that you at least try to save that marriage? It's okay if both of you love each other and one of you had an affair. If that's the situation, then you can at least try to save your relationship. Maybe one of you really messed up. But Jimin admitted that he only marry you for money. He was in a relationship with Yoongi even before you got married. Clearly, there's no love involved from the very beginning."

"So now tell me, what time did you messed up? What part did you ever fucked up? None sweetheart. Nothing to save, you did not mess up, you did not fuck up. You're just scared that everything will fail again and I can say that you're not a failure Jungkook. You tried to make everything work. You fully invested yourself in that fucking marriage. Because you loved him. But that love was one sided Jungkook. You loved, he didn't. He just took advantage of that love. So don't you ever think that you messed up that's why that marriage didn't work."

I cried more. My mom hugged me.

"Jungkook, just accept the fact that you've been stupid for not seeing the bad side of Jimin too quickly. But still be thankful because you discovered it. If not, you're still imprisoned in lies and deceit. Don't let it ever made you feel miserable. Don't let it scare you to be in a relationship again. I know how much you like Jin. Do you want to lose him now? You've made this far. It's time for you to face Jin without any apprehensions. You can finally say it to him, chin up, that you're a single man. So cheer up!"

Perhaps, my mom was right. I am too scared that my relationship with Jin will not work. I am too scared that I will not make him happy. I made myself believed that I messed up thus Jimin cheated on me. But Jin is an entirely different person. If I will continue to be scared and to think that I messed up, I might loss Jin and my child.

And that's the last thing that I want to happen.