Heathers vs. The Plastics

A cautionary Tale

This chapter fucks up the fourth wall, so don't go trying to fix it.

Veronica was so tired of being harassed and mistreated all throughout her years of high school. The Heathers has given her the opportunity to change that and join the hierarchy. She finally got a taste of what popularity was like and she knew that she never wanted any of that again. The needless petty fighting, the constant worry of being watched, being seen as a sex toy instead of a person. Yeah, fuck that shit.

At this new school North Shore High, Veronica was going to change and stay far away from the drama of it all. Despite the Heathers tagging along on her little relocation, she wanted nothing to do with them. And that was fine on both ends. No need to drag a greasy little nobody around if you're out to dominate an already ruled school. The girls had an understanding and wished to keep it that way.

"We need to know all you know about the Heathers." A girl with blonde highlights demanded, her lunch tray smacking against the table. She looked like Veronica with longer hair and a more emo grunge style.

"I don't know who the hell you are, and I don't know if you noticed but I'm not exactly hanging out with the Heathers for fun." Veronica seethed.

"You came from their old school,no?" The boy beside the blonde asked.

"Yes, what's it to you, strangers?"

"Oh I'm sorry, that's Janis and I'm Damien. She can be a little invasive sometimes."

" Yeah, Yeah," She said brushing off what Damien had said. "We need Info on the Heathers!"

"Why?" Veronica asked still annoyed, but listening.

"The mean clique of our school needs to be overthrown. They're trying to assimilate our new friend into their Barbie utopia."

"And you want to out-rule them, with the Heathers?"

Damien nodded. Janis only deadpanned.

"That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard. If you replace them with the Heathers things will only get worse at this school. I can guarantee that the Heathers are worse than any posse on the premises.

Janis scoffed. Damien turned as three girls in sickening pink walked into the cafeteria. They looked fierce. Predatory.

Still not worse than the Heathers though.

"We call those three the Plastics. They're shiny, fake, and hard." Damien started to explain.

"They play their little mind games all around the school yard." Janis added.

"They might insult your clothing,"

Veronica looked at her blue crop top and jean skirt. She looked fine, and insults were nowhere near physical abuse.

"Or make fun of your name." Damien finished.

"Like they mocked, Jen Morecock until she burst into flames."

"And Ms. Morecock was a teacher!"

Veronica stayed unimpressed, they sounded like generic bitches. Not at all scarier than the whores of her previous school.

"Regina George is the queen bee, she's always dressed up. She always win Spring Fling queen. We're just drones that work for her, then die." Janis said rolling her eyes.

Veronica watched as Regina introduced herself to Heather Chandler. This was an awful move. Chandler could care less how popular Regina was here. She would win this war.

"My name is Regina George, and I am a massive deal. Fear me, love me, whatever the fuck you want. Just know I am the queen. And you are a nobody."

Chandler laughed haughtily. Any anger she had. She kept in her head. He red lips smirking at what was supposedly the most popular girl in this place.

"That's Gretchen Wieners," Damien said pointing to the brunette behind Regina.

"She knows everything about everyone. That's why her hair is so big. It's full of secrets..."

Veronica giggled. Secrets? Really. That Gretchen would be lucky if the Heathers didn't spill any information of hers. She looked weaker than Martha Dumptruck.
(In this book, Ronnie and Martha were never friends.)

"And finally Karen Smith. She is the dumbest person you'll ever meet."

Damien whispered to me. "I once saw her put a d in the word orange."

Veronica mentally face palmed.

"Okay we told you our problems. Now give us some info on the solution." Janis urged.

"Fine. Those are as you know, the Heathers." Veronica said pointing at the scrunchie crew. "At my old school, they floated above it all. I wanted to be just like them."

"Get to the point!"

"I am, geez, Janis!"

"Y'all look like sisters," Damien added.

"Not the time." Janis whined.

"Heather Macnamara, in bright yellow. She used to be head cheerleader. Her dad is loaded- he sells engagement rings."

"Okay, next."

"Heather Duke, ran the yearbook. No discernible personality, but her mom did pay for implants." Veronica said pointing at her boobs.

"And Heather Chandler. She is a mythic bitch. They were solid Teflon, never bothered, never harassed."

Veronica intended on saying more before she heard a loud argument bubbling in the cafeteria. She looked to see Regina and Heather Chandler face to face.

"Are we gonna have a problem?!" Chandler yelled for everyone here to see.

Shit.