Stop Making Fun of Foreign Last Names - TELUS #EndBullying

Stop laughing.

I'm grateful to team up with Wattpad and TELUS again to create an
#EndBullying themed story, inspired by TELUS' initiative to put an end to bullying.

My experience with bullying deals with cultural clashes I've never voiced about until now.

Thank you for listening to my story.

'Stop Making Fun of Foreign Last Names. It's Not Okay' by Azia To

Growing up in the Western world means hearing names like John, Mary, Sue and last names like Smith, Brown and Anderson.

It means walking into a souvenir shop and seeing your name carved into a keychain.

It means being handed a drink in Starbucks with your name spelled correctly.

It means the substitute teacher doesn't stutter when calling your name on the attendance list.

Unfortunately, not all of us are given names that Microsoft Word considers as 'correct', so our names are underlined in red.

The character limit in a form becomes your biggest enemy.

Your face burns each time school boys snicker at the sound of your name.

You cringe when someone butchers your name aloud.

The public is entertained when they pair English words with your non-English name.

"Oh, so like Toe? As in your big toe? Pinky toe?"

They laugh.

No. My last name is pronounced as Toe but spelled as To. My last name has absolutely no connection to the human anatomy. It's Chinese and is pronounced as 'So' in its original language.

The immature jokes and grade school bullying haunted me.

References to the human anatomy even stretched as far as 'Camel Toe'.

This shame and anxiety around my last name took control of my actions.

I set my Instagram handle and Facebook last name to 'Merilynn', my middle name that seems to be 'socially pronounceable'.

I imprinted Merilynn into sweaters instead of To.

My university acceptance letter lists me as Azia Merilynn.

Because that's what you do when you're in North America, right?

If the people here can't pronounce your name, you change it.

To make it easier for them.

To lift the pressure off you.

To increase your chance of landing a job.
We put the idea of 'fitting in' above our cultural identity.

I didn't realise the shame had rearranged my core values. I stopped questioning the actions I've practiced since the age of 10. I put the need to be accepted by others ahead of self-acceptance.

It wasn't until I was at the dinner table with my family and I finally admitted how much I hated our last name. The hurt across my dad's face was enough.

Years of shame crashed into me and I was suddenly lost for words.

I'm 21 and I've dishonored my Chinese ancestry.

One day, my dad wrote down our last name in Chinese. As I watched him quickly scribble lines and boxes, he began to explain how each Chinese character has a unique, powerful meaning.

Our last name carried many different symbols. A certain combination of lines symbolised a rice field, which meant our family would never go hungry and we'd always have a supply of food. A set of lines around other lines, which referenced to a tree and its roots. This symbolised strength because as a family, we protect one another.

As he explained the reasons behind the symbols, the shame started to fade, and a deeper sense of appreciation sunk into my chest.

Choosing to hide my last name meant erasing the history of my family.

I came across a quote from British Somali poet, Warsan Shire: "Give your daughters difficult names. Give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. My name makes you want to tell me the truth. My name doesn't allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right."

It's not my fault you're not careful when pronouncing my last name.

If it is mispronounced once, that is fine – it's a level of miscommunication or misunderstanding.
But choosing to make fun of my name – that isn't.
This whole time, you may have not known you've been mentally pronouncing my first name wrong.

My name is Azia To.

Azia – pronounced as Asia.

To – pronounced as Toe.

Spelled: Azia To.

And yes – I'm Asian.

This usually leads to a burst of laughter. Or the ends of a stranger's lips tremble and they break out into a stupid, massive grin. "Are you serious? But you're Asian."

People mispronounce my first and last name all the time.

Before, I faced the awkward 'Do I correct them' dilemma. Do I explain how my name is spelled and risk being made fun of? Or is it not worth it?
Now – I correct them. I demand respect and the opportunity to educate the correct pronunciation and spelling of my name.

Yes – my name is Azia and I'm named after the place. My last name is To and it carries the accomplishments, beliefs and values of the Chinese people before me.

My name is Azia To. My name is beautiful – it is mine. I choose to proudly identify myself as a Chinese woman. I'm not apologetic for the spelling. You can deal with the pronunciation.

My name is not a joke.