𝓭𝓪𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓮𝓭 {𝓻𝓮𝓭𝓭𝓲𝓮}

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓼𝓲𝔁

Eddie's pov:

We slowly made our way to my place. I had my arm around Richie's waist while his was around my shoulder so he wouldn't fall. I checked on him basically every minute until we got to my house. When we got there we slowly went in not thinking about that my dad would be there.

«Okay, we should go upstairs–»

«Eddie?» my dad interrupted me.

«fuck..» i mumbled. «Yeah?»

«Where were you?» he said coming into our direction. When he saw Richie he wanted to say something but got interrupted by me.

«Dad, can you help us?» I said looking up to Richie who looked totally sick by now.

«What even happened?»

«I um— RICHIE!!» I thought I might had a heart attack when Richie suddenly broke down. He didn't faint though. His legs just stopped working and he could barely move. Tears were coming out of his eyes and as it seemed he couldn't breathe properly.

My dad quickly dropped down beside him. «Hey, can you hear me??»

Richie gave him a shaking nod. He turned his head towards me and mouthed a small sorry.

«What are you sorry for?» I asked not realizing how tears were streaming out of my eyes now too.

My dad carefully picked up Richie who was practically burning up. «It's okay.. Take a deep breath.. It's okay..» my dad tried to calm him down even though I could see how he panicked himself. He carried him into the living room where he put Richie onto our couch.

He put his hand on Richie's chest trying to calm his breath down. Rich quickly took my hand what surprised me but I gave it an it's okay squeeze. After like a minute or two Richie slowly calmed down and looked up to me.

«I'm sorry..» he cried.

«What are you sorry for?» I asked again.

«for being a burden..»

«What??» I asked in disbelief.

«I just cause trouble, without me Henry Bowers wouldn't even be after our friends nor my mom had to get beaten up by dad just like me or—»

«WHAT?!!» I said thinking I didn't get the part with his dad right. «What was that with ur dad??» I asked again.

Richie didn't answer me, he just let out a sob. My dad ran upstairs into the bathroom to get some medicine and some other stuff that should help Richie.

«Richie what is with ur dad? You need to talk to me..»

«Eddie I screwed up..» Richie cried. «I couldn't take it all..»

I gave him a confused look. «Richie what did you do?» I asked worried.

Richie was about to answer that when my dad came downstairs. Richie went silent again still holding my hand. His hand was cold and hot at the same time. It was shaking and the squeeze he gave mine was weak. I couldn't describe it but I was insanely worried about him.

«Should I call your parents?» my dad asked.

I felt Richie's hand wincing and he suddenly seemed pretty nervous.

«No no no no no no no please no» he cried.

«What?!?»

«He'll kill me, he'll kill me!»

«Wait what?? Who??» I asked confused.

«Hey.. Calm down... Okay? I won't call them but we might need to take you to hospital and then they will be called.» my dad said wiping a few of Richie's tears.

«Sorry... I c-can tell you later when I'm f-feeling a little more.. sober..»

«YOU ARE DRUNK?!???»

«Do I lOok like??»

«s-sorry..» I said. Richie gave me a little smirk and wiped his own tears away.

Richie's pov:

After a few minutes of talking to Eddie and his dad I decided to tell them. They deserved to know after they took care of me. I told them everything about my dad and that I didn't want them to tell someone else. They said I could come to them anytime what meant a fucking lot to me. I had been in Eddie's room now covered in his sheets smirking at him when he came up with some tea.

«thanks..» I croaked.

He smiled back and sat down next to me. Suddenly his smile faded and he carefully intertwined our fingers. «Rich...» I felt butterflies in my belly. «Richie what is wrong..?» I looked at him. «you don't seem happy at all» he wiped one of his own tears. «You used to be so happy... Now I just feel like.. Richie.. Are you okay? Don't lie to me...»

«No.. No I'm not..»

«Richie–»

«Eddie I want to die.» I wasn't even crying anymore. It wasn't even bothering me any longer.

«W-What?» Eddie mumbled under his breath and looked at my dead pale face.

«I want to kill myself..»

Eddie couldn't say anything in that moment. He looked me in the eyes and cried as he squeezed my hand a little.

«Richie suicide is not the answer.. suicide is never the answer... We can get through this! You just need to open up to us! Talk to us! Please Richie I beg you..»

«Eddie I don't know if I can do that.. I don't wanna feel like this anymore..... I feel like my heart does not work at all... I already feel dead..»

«If you don't wanna do it for you do it for Beverly, Stan, your mom, the whole losers club.. for me..»

«I'll try...» I didn't show any emotions at all.

«Rich.. Did you hurt yourself?»

I paused a little before I nodded. No more lies. Open cards.

Eddie didn't say anything. He just leand his head onto my arm while he was firmly squeezing my hand.

«Eds..»

«Richie what happened you that makes you want to end your life..»

«Puberty..» I smirked at him.

«oh shut up» Eddie said grinning a little. «but for real.. What happened to you that made you feel so bad that you think you have to hurt yourself..»

«I think it was just.. Everything.. My dad and Bowers weren't the only reasons. My old city and school were responsible as well. Just as Bill or Ben.. In some ways even you..»

«me?»

«it doesn't necessarily mean that you did something.. I just always feel like I'm not good enough for you..»

Eddie let out a sob.

«Goddammit Richie what if I told you I had a crush on you since we were 14? Richie you were always good enough for me because I'm in love with you. Rich I care about you so much..»

«W-What?» I felt my belly doing a cartwheel and I knew that I was very red. «you are in love with me?»

Eddie looked at me with tears in his eyes and nodded. He smiled at me sad. «with every inch of you»

I couldn't help but grin. «fuck you Kaspbrak you could've told me that shit earlier..»

He rolled his eyes and snorted but couldn't help but grin as well.

He turned away from me and looked straight onto the wall still grinning.
«I love you too Eds..»