The End Of Walden's War

VI

I bit my nail as I waited for Finnegan to come into the room.

It had quickly gone from late hours in the night to the early hours of the morning and he had not decided to leave the comfort of the pub yet.

Loretta and I spoke for hours, laughing about anything and everything. Forgetting about the argument Finnegan and I had had, but throughout our laughter, I could see, in her hazel eyes, that she was still filled with joy about what I had said to her. She wanted me to have a child, I think everyone did- including me, but my thoughts still turned me away from it. 

With anyone other than Finnegan, I would have a child with anyone else.

But he was my husband, whether I liked it or not, I was married to him and it was expected. My mother would pester me until she was a grandmother, I could see Finnegan's boys waiting for the news. And Loretta was certainly excited. 

So I'd made up my mind, for the woman I cared so deeply about, to make my mother happy, to share some good news with my sister. 

I'd make the deal with Finnegan. 

So I was waiting, and I was waiting for a long time. When he went to the pub he could be there all night just to release the frustration he had pent up during the day. But I hoped he was not as bad as he usually was when he got home from a night like this. 

I could not have this conversation with him when he was drunk, but his drinking was never controlled. At least, not when Frank was by his side. 

The troubling thoughts had got the better of me then and, much like my husband, I had turned to drink to cope with the night. I was not drinking as heavily as he was, I could tell even though he was not around me. I sipped at the whiskey I had poured myself as I waited. 

Roughly another hour passed, and another small glass of whiskey for me, until he finally arrived home, almost completely sober. 

"Maddie." He mumbled, seeing me awake and sat on our bed with an empty glass in my hand. I could still feel the burn in my throat as I looked up at him. I was tired and unaware of the time, and I could see some sadness in his eyes. "Madeleine, why are you awake?" He asked, sitting on the bed next to me, but I continued to look forward. 

In the few seconds I had seen him I was starting to regret my decision, I could not agree with this ridiculous idea. 

"Madeleine please speak to me." He muttered again, his hand reaching up to my hair. He rubbed it gently, and I leant into his touch. 

I must have been tired, but I enjoyed the feeling of his hands. He made me feel safe at that moment.

"Maddie, how much have you drunk tonight?" He asked with a soft chuckle. "You can't handle your alcohol."

"I'll do it." I mumbled just loud enough for him to hear. He stopped moving and it almost seemed like he stopped breathing in that second. 

"You mean?" He trailed off, but we both knew exactly what I was referring to. 

"I'll do it, but only if you take me to my family. I want to see them." I continued, "I will not change my mind just because I've seen them, but if a single one of them says it's a bad idea we will not be trying for a child Finnegan. I refuse to have a child if a single one of them does not approve."

"Okay," He responded, "We'll leave on Saturday." He stood up from the bed and rid himself of the shirt he was wearing. "But when do we tell my family." He questioned me, as I readied myself for bed as well. 

"Why don't we take someone there, tell everyone at the same time." 

"We cannot have our mothers in the same room, they despise each other." He responded, climbing into the bed as I did as well. I sighed, knowing what he said was the truth. 

"Then we tell your family afterwards when we get back." I decided, "but we'll take Loretta, I want her to enjoy time out of this place. She deserves it." The light in the room was turned off, our room turning to darkness.

"Then Frank will join too, those two deserve to hear this news." 

His breathing settled as I felt him fall asleep next to me and I stared up to the ceiling concealed by the darkness of the night. 

There was no changing my mind now, the decision had been made. I was going to be a mother, and Finnegan would eventually be a father.

I did not want to regret this.

A/N

Awful author back again, I promsie I'm trying to get updates out as often as I can- this is not the best I'm so sorry. 

I've been super busy getting things ready now I'm back int he full swing of school. I'm focusing a lot of time on my personal statement- one of the most stressful things I've ever written, and I've been going to uni open days, and so far I'm not really liking the ones I've been to. 

I'm hating this because I'm so desperate to go but I don't know where and I've got to apply in four months. I'm so stressed, but I'm here and I'm trying. 

I'll try and get another update out next week, maybe sooner if I have time. 

Love ya x