For Forever

Day 2: Part 1

Dear Connor Murphy,

Anxiety freaking sucks. What sucks even more is that I'm out of my pills. Ugh, how am I going to survive? I have no idea how... But I mean hey! As long as you're with me, I'll somehow survive, right..? |

Evan brought his knees up to his chest, crossing them at the ankles and rested his forehead on his knees, letting out an audible sigh. Evan deleted the last sentence and stared at his screen before retying it. Evan had no shame, he doesn't care anymore. He doesn't care how lovey/gay something sounds. If he's going to confess something to Connor, he'll say something exactly how he wants to.

Connor is Evan's safety blanket. His guardian, his rock. He's the only person he can go to for any help or situational advice. Whether it's something small and simple, or something huge, like something to do with his mental health.

Evan went back to writing his email with a sigh and a shake of a head.

My mom barely has any time for me. She's been very busy with school and work, that she's never home. I can't even remember the last time I've had a proper dinner or conversation with her. The only times that she acknowledges me or talks to me is in the morning before she heads off to school/work or if she's picked up my meds. |

Evan let out a choked sigh. Just thinking about his mother, Heidi never spending actual quality time with her only child, only son... it deeply upsets the teen. She's barely home, and that's only the beginning.

It's not entirely Heidi's fault, though. It's also Evan's father's fault, too. Evan's father... well, let's just say is no longer in the picture. He walked out of Both Evan's and Heidi's lives forever when Evan was just a toddler. Neither of them can remember the exact age, and neither of them want to remember. Evan can't remember anything about his father, because obviously, he was a toddler. Heidi on the other hand, remembers everything about her husband. From the day he met to the last things he's ever said to her. She's doing everything she can to give her son the best life she possibly can, but still being a very young mother, she's still in school. She's still in college, still working she same job she's had since she was sixteen. But unfortunately, working at Starbucks isn't helping with paying bills and bother her and Evan's education, and his meds.

I know it's not her fault, but it just... I miss having a proper conversation with her. I miss spending time with her. I just want to spend one day with her, to bond over weird stuff that we've done, JUST SOMETHING. That's all I want. 

But I guess we can't always get what we ask for. |

Evan looked through at his finished work, scanning every sentence and word for any mistakes or anything he wanted to leave out. Though there were some things he wanted to cut out, Evan left it in the end. He doesn't want to bottle up his emotions, which he did anyway since his mother was never home and could never talk things out with her. He wants to be able to get everything off his chest. And the only person he could tell, the only person that would let him go off and listen to every single, tiny detail was Connor. He was the only person Evan trusted, because he'd keep Evan's confessions to himself and the boy only, unlike Evan's family friend Jared Kleinman.

Here's the thing about Jared; he's an asshole. And to Evan only. He's embarrassed to be around him, to even be seen around him. Jared hates Evan. But it's not entirely because of that, there's a reason why he's a complete ass to him. But nobody knows except him, and nobody will know except him. 

Deciding not to hold back anymore, Evan pressed send. He slipped on his socks along with his shoes and grabbed his bag, shoving in yesterdays homework before slinging it over his shoulder with a sigh.

Evan could feel the anxiety immediately rising. Unwanted thoughts filled his head. It's too early for this. He could feel his legs slowly begin to give out, his knees slowly beginning to get wobbly. His heart was pounding in his chest as if somebody was playing the drums with two petals. It was too fast. His body was shaking, his breathing became unsteady. Evan's blue eyes were officially watering, making his vision go blurry. 

Very quickly, everything became too much. Walking was making everything worse, his heart was beating so fast, he thought he was going to die. 

Evan needed to get out of there.

As if somebody had shoved him, Evan's body fell on the ground with a thud. He's gone limp; he can't get up, he can't move. He's stuck, laying on the sidewalk completely numb.

A sharp pain shot up his left arm, it hitting the ground the hardest. Evan had broken his arm during his summer job at the Ellison State Park after he fell from one of the tall oak trees that surrounded the parking lot. He remained laying on the dirt for a while, lost in his own thoughts; which is what he's currently doing right now.

Cars and students passed Evan. It's sad that nobody stopped to ask if he was okay, or needed help to get up, or even acknowledge him-- it's like Evan's invisible. Which is what he felt like right now.

Evan's vision soon got very blurry, he could feel everything slowly go black. He's stuck on the ground having a full on anxiety attack and nobody is doing anything about it. They're just ignoring him, letting him suffer from his serious mental illness as they carry on with their lives. Surely taking a couple minutes of your time to stop and help a kid out will hardly do any damage to your schedule, right?

As Evan felt his eyes become heavier and heavier, he saw something blurry from the corner of his eye. Something tall, in all black, sprinting in full speed towards him. And that something was someone. Before Evan could make out who this person was, everything went black. The last thing he saw was a specific look on their face.

Was it fear? Was it anger? Evan couldn't figure it out, and he didn't because that's when everything fell pitch black as his ears filled with his heart beat and a ringing sound before complete silence.