Secret Note

Crush

Heartbeat rising uncontrollably. Disappointment. Sadness. Disbelief. Betrayal. Once again I feel like the world's plotting something against me. How can he say that? After I went my way to make it up to him. I'm hurt. "You don't want to be friends with me?" I clench my fist to my side and bite my lips to control my anger. 

"Not really."

"Why?" I can feel my voice shaking but I let it be. He should know I'm mad at him. 

I can feel him turn to me, his body coming closer. He grabs my arms and pull me to his chest. "Can't you understand it, Winter? It's not friendship that I'm seeking from you."

Then what!? What do you want from me!? 

I wish I can shout it out loud but my emotions already took a toll on me and I want nothing but to cry while his arms are around me. I'm mad, he made me mad but he's comforting me. Why? Carver's so hard to understand. It's exhilarating. 

"Who made you cry!?" Killian's voice echoes through the car. He's obviously alarmed. My eyes are puffy and my cheeks probably red. 

"Carver." 

"Oh."

I turn to him, surprised to hear him draw back into calmness. "Aren't you mad at him?"

"Not really. I know the guy. We play football together. What did he say to make you cry?"

"He said he doesn't want to be friends with me."

Killian laughs, further confusing me. "Of course he doesn't. Why did you cry?"I don't know. I really don't so I just shrug in reply. "I see. Don't tell me you're crushing on him already?"

How can that be? "I like Uriah." 

"Yeah but that doesn't mean you can't like someone else." Oh. "Come on kiddo. You cried tons just because he told you he doesn't want to be friends with you. You didn't even cry when Uriah and Penny started going out."

"But I was jealous and heartbroken"

"Not enough to make you cry."

Killian's words bothered me so much I ended up thinking about it for a long while. The dinner was even tasteless as I was occupied with it much to Dad's dismay. Thankfully, Killian took the responsibility to tell them all about it. I'd hate to keep them in the dark with my emotions. They both said it's not healthy. 

"It's fine to like someone else. Even Uriah has a girlfriend now." Dad says through a mouthful. "Your Papa once liked this dumbass named Jared and look at us now." He then added as he grins to Papa cheekily. 

Papa roll his eyes on him but doesn't deny it. "Winter, it's fine if you also come to like Carver. There's nothing wrong with that. You just have to consider what made you like the person or how much you like him." 

How much I like him? I do know that I really like Uriah. I like him because he's always been there for me and knows a lot about me. I can't imagine life without him. Carver on the other hand, I just got to know him. He's funny and a little annoying. He's an exact opposite of Uriah who's always calm and take things into consideration. Carver is a little bit headstrong but also innocent. 

"Like doesn't always mean you have to go out with the person, you know? You like me. You also like Dad and Papa. You like Penny even if she's going out with Uriah. You like reading or watching cartoons. You like Lasagna."

Killian's right. It's not good to compare Uriah and Carver. My like for Carver can be a lot different than my like for Uriah. I just wonder what kind it is. "I get it now. Thanks Dad, Papa. Thanks Killian."

"You do?"

"I do."

"Then-"

"Killian." Papa stops him with a warning tone then settles for a warm smile. "That's good then, baby. Now, finish the food so we can rest for the night."

It's once again a day full of excitement but this time, I know exactly what I'm looking froward to. Last night, I came to realise why I cried when Carver told me he doesn't want to be my friend. I like him. I like him so much that it hurt me when he said that. Therefore, I decided to tell him that. I know it's going to be the only way so that he would still be friends with me.

"Carver!" He's in front of his locker today, moodily shoving stuff on it. "Carver, I have to tell you something." I catch my breath. I was too excited to meet him.

"Winter." His voice is disappointingly bland but I chose to let it go.

"I like you.

"What!?"

"I like you."

He freezes and drops all his books on the floor. 

"Carver?"

"Did you just say-"

I nod eagerly. "Yes! I like you. Yesterday, when you told me you didn't want to be friends with me I was so sad and it made me cry but Killian asked me why I cried. I didn't know why. Papa and Dad said it's alright to like someone else then Killian told me there are different kinds of like. So I realised, I like you."

Carver shakes himself off then picks up his books from the floor. He takes a deep breath and finally looks me in the eyes. "By like you mean, you like me as-"

"As good friend! No, probably a best friend? We just got to know each other but, I guess that's fine."

He sighs, a little disappointedly but he quickly beams at me with a smile. "Only you, Winter, only you." 

"So, are we friends again?"

"Yeah. I guess I'll just work with that."

I can't help but jump on him happily. With Uriah, I only ever felt happy. He never said things that hurt me. That's why I like him so much. I wanted him to like me as well the way he likes Penny. It seems to be a distant dream now but it's fine since Carver's with me. He's a new friend that'll help me get by, I just know it. 

Penny's laughing happily while holding on to Uriah side. I'm glad that they finally made up. It hurts me when the two of them are not talking. I don't like seeing Uriah sad but I also don't like seeing Penny hurt. Even if it's her that Uriah likes and not me I know for a fact that there's a deeper reason why she won his heart. "Hey Wint! Uriah and I was thinking, we should go hang out this Friday in my house after we watch Killian's game."

It's also going to be Carver's game. Killian usually goes to an after party. I wonder if Carver does too. "Sure. I'll invite Carver."

"Oh. Carver." She sounds teasing but she always does so it's nothing big. "You two sure are close now."

I nod eagerly. "He's a nice person." A breath of fresh air from the two of you.

"Isn't it a bit fast, getting close to him like that? You don't really know him." It makes sense that Uriah's worried. It's not like me to get close to people so easily. It wasn't even a too nice of a meeting the first time I got to talk with Carver. He's just really nice that I can't help but like him. 

"Carver's a nice a person. It's fine."

To that, he doesn't say anything anymore.