Bending or Breaking

Guilt

Joyce shot straight up in bed, breathing heavily. She sighed as she rubbed her forehead fiercely, her greasy bangs falling in clumps around her hand. She hadn't bothered to shower in awhile. Joyce wished she could rub the nightmares right out of her head, but they were always there. The memories morphed into monsters, more terrifying and saddening than what they already were. They were already terrible, especially with Bob and seeing that creature come out of Will's throat in the Upside Down...

Joyce fumbled around with the contents on her bedside table, shaking a little. A panic attack was threatening to happen. Joyce groaned as she continued to fumble. Her house and everything in it still felt unnatural. She finally found the lighter and a pack of cigarettes. She yawned as she pulled one out. Joyce lit it in the dark, and took a long drag. She tossed the lighter back onto the side table.

The remnants of her nightmare followed her into the quiet sleeping world. Tears began to well up in her eyes. Joyce used her knuckle to wipe her eye, but it didn't stop the flashback that hit her like a truck.

There was Hopper, standing on that bridge, next to the Russian machine. He was giving her that sad smile. Telling her to go ahead. Joyce couldn't do anything but close her eyes as she turned the keys to kill her friend, her near-lover, someone's father, the Chief of Police. He was so much to people, and she had taken him away from everyone.

Joyce sobbed, reaching around to grab a pillow, and shoved her face into it, sobbing louder. She didn't need to wake anyone else in the house. She'd caused enough trouble with her breakdowns. It had been 4 months, she should probably be over him. But she wasn't, and probably never would be. She'd always love her big ol' soft goof. But she couldn't hold him anymore. He was gone.

Without a real goodbye.

A/N: I know this chapter is really short! But I wanted to get one out. This idea has been bouncing around my head for awhile. Expect lots of sadness!