Stripped of off my stone facade.
Laying on the cold hard floor. hoping, praying to feel something
To cry. To scream. To breakdown.
But I did this to myself.
I spent years building this calm and collected demeanor, these tall concrete walls. They were constructed to keep the turmoil from escaping. To keep my demons deep under the layers of routine.
And when this mansion was inaugurated, nothing was left to warm its bricks.
No emotions. No love. No heartbreak. Just numbness.
Perhaps whilst building these walls, I allowed myself to forget about the pain that was meant to be trapped within. And now it's all emptiness, this stone cold is not a facade but a real persona now.
Those tears that threatened to spill infinitesimaly have now settled into the crevices of my eyes. And they refuse to leave their warm abode. And so these eyes, they remain haunted, yearning to be warmed by the sight of love.
But my heart, it refuses to fall. It has accustomed itself to only beating involuntarily.
Perhaps it has learnt to not meddle with the affairs of my mind. And so now this brain mockingly sits proud on the throne of my operations. Forbidding every ounce of me to feel. To let go of control.
XOXO
CHAOS.
