Just Out of Reach (Norminah)

Prolouge.

You left me.

You left your children.

You left us.

It's a very hard pill to swallow when the person you love most in the world gets taken away from you. I've lost many friends, lovers, fallen out with family members -I've done it all- but the one thing that hurts me the most is that I've lost my wife, Dinah Jane.

*****

Do you have any idea how hard is for me to move on with my life? I watched you take your very last breath and it crushed me completely. Til this day it still haunts me.

I miss you Dinah.

We all do.

It's hard having to explain to our children what's become of you. Tamia's always asking about you; she thinks that you're away on some vacation on a far away island. It's becoming easier to tell her that you've gone, that you won't be returning. Unfortunately, our newest son doesn't have a clue.

I think grandma's been visiting him because I always see him laughing and smiling when he's in his crib. He's always reaching for something....or someone and that brings me some peace to pretend it's either grandma or you.

There's time where I feel at peace without you here and then other times......well...not so much.

I just wish it didn't hurt as much. I wish I couldn't feel anything at this moment because it's killing me inside. The bed is no longer warm at night; it's so cold and empty. I lie awake for hours, not being able to sleep because every time I close my eyes, I'm reliving that day over and over again.

There are times when I can still feel you, smell you, feel as if I can hold you or that you're holding me. Those are the very best because it makes me me feel like you're still here with me.....with us.

I miss you so much, Dinah.

I hope you know that....where ever you are, know that we love you and we miss you very much and I can't wait for the day that we shall meet again.

With love,

-Mani