Swear words and pet names (Tomtord)

A Moment Alone

After hours of drunken contemplating, I came up with nothing. I tried writing ideas down, hoping they'd flow better on paper. However, that ended with an overflowing trash can filled with wasted paper. At this point I was only throwing the balled up paper around my room out of frustration.

I still had no idea what I was going to say to Tord. In fact, I didn't even know if he was going to listen to me. I thought about what Edd said over and over. The alcohol in my system was not helping keep my emotions straight. One second, I believed that it was possible that Tord liked me. Then the next second I couldn't believe it and I was ready to never talk to him again. But I did want to talk to him again. I ran my fingers through my hair again, as if that'd help me think clearly.

I wasn't making any progress. I got up to pick my guitar up from her stand and plopped back down onto my bed. I needed a distraction for a bit, and playing Susan always made me feel better. Maybe I should write a song for Tord. I snorted at the thought, then cringed. That was a terrible idea. I tuned her to the best of my drunken ability and began to play. I started to relax a little as I got into a rhythm. What I was playing probably didn't make musical sense, but that didn't matter. I was just playing for the sake of playing. I continued to play nothing in particular before I began to play one of my favorite songs that I have been learning in my free time for a bit. I got through the intro and began carelessly humming the melody. I focused on the music and my hands on the guitar while I tried not to think of Tord. I was starting to get into it until I was startled out of my zone.

"Hi Tord!"

Followed by a bang on the wall and a quiet indistinguishable curse from a familiar Norwegian accent. It was Matt that spoke, and my ears perked up at the sound of Tord's name and voice.

"What are you doing? Are you still mad at Tom?" Matt said, causing me to set Susan down and make a b line for the door. Right as I opened it, I caught sight of Tord's door closing at the end of the hall. "What's going on?" I asked Matt, who looked confused. "Tord was listening to you play. I think I scared him." He said shrugging. I felt my face heat up. "He was? How do you know he was listening to me?" I asked, trying not to drunkenly stumble over my words. "He had his ear pressed up to your door. Is he still mad at you?" He asked. I stared at him dumbly as I tried to process that information. Tord had his ear pressed to my door? He was listening to me play? Has he done that before?

"Hellooo?" Matt questioned, waving a hand in my face. I jumped, forgetting he was there while lost in my inner turmoil. I could feel how red my face was, and I could no longer remember what Matt had asked me. He must have realized how drunk I was and shrugged before walking into his own room. I shut my door and buried my flushed face in my hands. Suddenly I was aware of how drunk I was and how bad I was playing, and mentally kicked myself for not being better.

I never considered the fact that he could hear me, but I never expected him to listen. I was never loud enough to disturb anybody either. I shake my head in an attempt to shake off my sudden insecurities, but only succeed in making myself dizzy. I decided to blame it on Tord, he was making me feel dizzier than any alcohol or illness has in the past couple of weeks.

I decided I didn't want to spend the day sober. Anytime I felt myself sober up I drank more to keep the buzz going. I tried not to overdo it too much, I didn't feel like violently hating myself the next day. I just wanted to do something other than mope. I hung out in the kitchen for a while, only seeing Edd for a bit before he had to run back out. I lingered there for a while, hoping to bump into Tord on the lower level of the house. However, it didn't seem like he was going to appear anytime soon.

It wasn't until night time that I regretted my decision. I was wide awake and it was almost midnight. The alcohol lingered in my system, and I felt sluggish despite being unable to sleep. I decided to chug some water and stare at the ceiling until I drifted off. I carefully made my way down the dark stairs when I heard sounds. Someone else was awake and watching a movie. I recognized it as a piece of the insane zombie pirates from hell series. I slowly began to peer into the living room, hoping that it was Edd or Matt. Unfortunately, it wasn't. Tord was sitting by himself on the sofa with his back facing me. This was the most of him I've seen all week, and I couldn't bring myself to look away from the back of his head. I noticed my heart was racing, and thanked God for the fact that he wouldn't be able to hear it.