Cheaper By The Baker's Dozen

Mission Doorknob

Sunday morning we all gathered in the front yard for Appleschmear season. My dad has been doing this tradition since he was born. It was invented by our great-grandma Gilberth.

It felt weird not being in the midland backyard scattered all over grass fields. The vast open space was my favorite thing.

Instead we were now bound to the confides of our front lawn. Which were lined with hedges 8 feet high, practically imprisoning us. Welcome to suburban life I guess.

Sarah was up first to pitch an apple to my dad.

Appleschmear was almost like a game. My dad would have a tennis racket and would hit the apples breaking them into a million pieces scattered all over the lawn and our clothes.

A messy but fun tradition of ours right before school began.

"Okay president of the United States Sarah Baker will throw out the first apple" my dad yelled. Everyone cheered as the apple soared through the sky smashing into a million pieces.

"Come on bring on the chin music baby. Let's go let's go" my dad said egging Sarah on to throw another. The kids all cheered.

"It was an apple and now its sauce" my dad cheered.

"Nora's here" Sarah yelled. Everyone threw their gloves down and ran towards the red car.

I stayed back sitting on the edge of the porch watching. Nora and I use to be extremely close as we were only 6 years apart.

Once Nora went to high school everything changed. She liked boys and did things with her friends leaving Charlie, Lorraine and I in the dust. Lorraine didn't seem to mind nor did Charlie. I felt like I was the only one bothered by the new distance.

Now it's the occasional hi on the phone calls and maybe a how are you but nothing more than that. I didn't make the effort to talk because she didn't either.

Nora walked up the porch and inside the house with my parents. Nora has gifted my mom a new leather briefcase for New York.

Once again Nora didn't even notice me. I sat on the edge watching as the little kids set up another one of their schemes. Hank fell into the dirty pool water Gunner our dogs play. I quickly sprinted inside not wanting to be involved in their game.

"Maggie" Nora called out from the kitchen.

"Hi Nora" I said before running up the stairs and slamming my bedroom shut.

A knock comes from my door but I figured it was Nora.

"Go away" I yelled. The door slowly opened making even madder than I was before.

"I said go away"

"Oh so you're mad at me?" Charlie said jokingly. I propped myself up on the bed to look at him.

"No I'm mad at Nora. It's, it's whatever" I said.

"Well mom asked everyone to come down for breakfast" Charlie said. I hopped off the bed and followed him downstairs. I sat next to my mom and far away from Nora.

"Kate is this - is this orange juice freshly squeezed?" Hank asked as he sipped the juice. "Nora and I are on a bit of an organic diet and well we only drink freshly squeezed juice. This taste like Tropicana" Hank said.

Charlie, Lorraine and I snickered again the comment. Doesn't he realize he's in a house with a family of 15. We don't have time to squeeze 15 glasses of juice every morning.

"He's a winner" my mom mumbled to my father under her breath.

"You guys popping out another one anytime soon?" Hank asked. Everyone's faces dropped.

"Just...curiosity" Hank said sensing the uncomforted vibe from the table. Suddenly gunner comes running in charging at Hank.

The dog continues to dig and naw at him making the whole table burst into smiles and laughters as Nora, mom and dad try to pry Gunner away.

"Gunner stop it" my dad yelled.

"Oh my he's really hungry" my mom commented.

We all laughed causing Nora to turn around pissed off. The laughing stopped at once and everyone diverted their attention elsewhere.

Once Hank was freed from the jaws of Gunner he rushed out of the house with Nora following.

"Told you she wouldn't last a day" I said to Charlie. I helped clean up the dining room table.

"Okay who was the mastermind behind the meat in the underwear?" My dad asked as he circled the house looking for the younger kids.

"Meat in underwear genius" I commented getting the eyebrow from dad which meant you're right but we aren't condoning this type of behavior.

"Well now I'm rethinking going to NYC" my mom said running her hands through her hair.

"Don't worry. Charlie, Lorraine and I will help out" I said elbowing Charlie behind me who shook his head.

"Yeah mom don't worry" Charlie repeated.

She smiled before rushing up the stairs to pack.

"Why did you volunteer us" Charlie asked annoyed.

"Because this is mom's big dream. Don't ruin it for her"

The next morning we headed off for our first day of school. Charlie drove Lorraine and I, while dad dropped off the rest.

As we pulled in to the parking lot we saw a luxury car with a bunch of snobby rich kids on the hood.

"Mooooo" the guy said as we exited.

"Guess he's the funny one of the herd" I said giving them nasty looks before heading inside.

The day it's self dragged. The classes were boring and I hated the people in the school.

Once I got home I noticed it was back to the crazy chaos as always. My dad had the chandelier guy here while he tried to cook up dinner. Charlie was outside working on the car.

The rest of them were probably making a mess or trying to kill each other.

"Maggie" Kim called out. I ran to the room to find Jessica bleeding from a dart.

"Um okay go downstairs and get a band aid" I said before finding Kyle and Nigel.

"Boys no throwing darts. Take it outside" I demanded. I sighed knowing that without mom this house would never run smooth.

I ran downstairs to try and help with dinner when I saw a pile of vomit on the floor.

"Dad" I yelled but it was no use. I quickly cleaned it up before putting the cooked pasta in a bowl.

"Dinner" I yelled. Everyone slowly gathered at the table. This was truly the only time nobody fought with each other or made a mess.

"Dad why is there a tomato sauce covered cup in the sink" I asked as we sat down. He looked stressed and I began to feel bad.

"Let's just eat" my dad said with a smile as he decompressed from the last hour of torture.

After dinner I tried to straighten up the house for my dad. I began to prep lunches for tomorrow as well. It wasn't until midnight I had finished and decided to forgo doing my homework for some well need sleep.