My darling,
It's been days and the weight of my loss only seems to compound with every breath I take. I never thought it would be like this, that I would be so insatiable when it came to you that I could not pull myself through a day without you. This grief is more than being without though. This grief is an empty bed. This grief is a quite house. This grief is a lifetime of love laid to rest.
From the moment I met you I knew that you would be special to me, I could see it, I could feel it and when you kissed me that October, in the safety of your bed, I knew. I knew that you were more than special in my life, I knew that you would be my life. And so it has been my darling, you have been my life and I have been yours. We have dedicated our time on earth to each other and truly there is no greater gift you could have given me than the gift of knowing you, of loving you, of sharing this life with you.
I know if you were here with me now you would scold me and tell me not to mourn you but to celebrate all that we had in life. And what a life it has been, seventy five glorious years by your side, waking up each morning feeling more in love than the morning before. We have been blessed, we are blessed, to have a love that most people can only dream of. To have known a home within each other, to have known pure and real love.
I sit at your desk as I write this. The sun is shining and your roses are swaying in the breeze. Today is Sunday and the children will come for dinner, just as you always insisted they did. We will walk the beach at sunset and I will think of you as I always do. But today I will try not to cry. Today when I feel the sand beneath my feet, and hear the waves crashing in, I will think of you and I will smile, for I know that is what you would want.
Ava is the one who told me to write to you, she said it would channel my grief. You can't imagine how hard it was to look at her the day after your funeral. Her blonde hair falling in soft curls, her blue eyes so like your own. It was like looking back into the past and seeing you my beautiful Perrie. I miss you more than words can say love, but I know that you will be waiting for me. Arms open, blue eyes shining like the ocean, hair golden like the sand- my beautiful, kind, darling Pez.
So today when I see the sunset I will smile. I will smile and I will think of two young women, foolish and in love. One, with golden hair blowing in the gently breeze, on one knee as the other squeals in delight. These women don't know it yet but they will live a full, love filled life with three beautiful children. And when the day comes for one of them to close her eyes and slip to the next life, the other will grieve and smile and remember how special her life has been because she loved you, Perrie Lousie Edwards.
Your sunset lover,
Jade xx
