| Chapter XXI | dear diary let's talk about romantic love

43 2 0
                                    

Love, love is- I don't know

Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.

Love, love is- I don't know. I mean I've had a friend or two. But love! The only love I've experienced is the family kind of love. And as much as that love is important, it's different from the romantic kind of love.
I've never experienced romantic love. I've had a simple crush here and there, but then I'd move on. How do I know when it isn't a simple crush? Am I acting desperate? Does he also feel the same way? Is he using me? I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
Maybe I should never be in a romantic relationship. After all it's difficult dealing with losing a friend, it'll be more difficult to deal with losing a partner.
But the thing is, I want to keep looking at his face, I want to be around him, I want to be with him.
But if I did, would it be a mistake? Would I be hurting us both? I would definitely hurt my big sister.
I wish I had something deep and meaningful to say about love. But how can I speak of something I've never experienced.
I'm scared, but I want to do it. Am I being irrational? Maybe I just should never be with anyone. That way I could avoid heartbreak
I have never experienced romance, but I know someone who has. My little sister. She's been with a lot of guy and girls. But I've never seen her heartbroken. I have seen her in love or at least what I think is love. It's the little things that showed it.
She'd look at him with this smile I never seen her with. Everytime he would come over she'd always smile and her eyes got bright.
She had been with so many people, yet somehow this one guy was different. I don't know why?
I've seen people in love of with her. They'd kill to be with her, they'd die to be with her. But she never loved them back the way they wanted her to.
No one lasted the way he did. No one convinced her to leave the way he did.
I think it's because he didn't try to control her, or saw as some sort of trophy, or simply groveled at her presence. I think he matched her, he didn't think he was less or more than her and she liked that. But I'll never know truly.
Now he's dead and she's alive. I wonder if she's heartbroken. Maybe he's the one who broke her heart. Maybe she already moved on. Maybe I was wrong and she never really loved him.
I just wish I could ask her about this stuff. To get answers. To know if the love is worth the heartbreak.
What would Reine say?
She'd probably make fun of me for falling for this guy. Question if it's actually love, then decide she doesn't really care about that. Then tell me it doesn't matter because I'm going to be here forever and it seems more and more people are getting released from here.
And that's as far as I can go in Reine's mind.
I don't know what to do. Is that love is, I mean this. Is all this confusion part of this love thing?
Look, I might not know if I will be with him, but I do know I feel something strong for him. I also might not know what love is, but I kind of want to find out with him.

Sincerely,

Liliana Darlene C.

1| 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝘼𝙧𝙠𝙝𝙖𝙢 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣𝙨 |Where stories live. Discover now