apathy

katsuki and izukkun

Katsuki watches the end of Izuku and Todoroki's fight, not in the stand like everyone else in his class, but from a television in some random hallway. Here, he can only hear the dull roar of the crowd when Izuku is the only one to climb to his feet after a barrage of traded powerful attacks. Here, he can spend a little time trying to sort through the storm of emotions rolling through his chest.

Rage and pride he has to push aside for now, because if he focuses on them he'll never get this shit figured out. Surprise he can deal with; seeing Izuku bouncing around on the obstacle course had been a shock to him. He hadn't known Izuku was in the general education course—he hadn't known Izuku was in Yuuei. Some kind of shame had risen up in him when spotted that green hair. Izuku was in the gen-ed class, and Katsuki hadn't seen hide nor hair of him at the hero exam. Izuku hadn't even tried, and who's fault was that?

(Go take a swan dive off the roof!)

He hadn't been expecting to get a response out of Izuku when he grabbed him. He hadn't expected anything, he just moved, falling back into old habits. Like an idiot. The look that Izuku gave him was filled with so much pure hatred that even when he'd moved away, Katsuki had stayed frozen. Until someone—Shitty Hair, maybe—had tried to help him up and he'd stormed away.

Shock and shame about sums it all up. Pair those with pride, and he gets rage. Rage he's familiar with. He doesn't need to puzzle out rage or force it to make sense. He just needs to focus on that to get through this match. He was supposed to be facing Half'n'Half, not fucking Izuku, but he can do this.

Blinking, Katsuki breaks out of his thoughts and glances back at the tv, where they're just replaying clips of the fight. That's probably his cue to head to his exit, so he pushes off the wall and gets on his way, shoulders hunched. Things get louder the closer he gets, and that's annoying enough that he can recenter himself around anger for the time being. He waits near the exit until Present Mic shouts his name, which is when he stomps out to an explosion of cheers. Katsuki plasters on a sneering smile as he enters the arena, looking around at the crowd so he doesn't see Izuku come out.

Just like with Katsuki, the crowd erupts when he steps out. But unlike his welcome, most of what is heard are jeers. There is, though, one sect of the stands who has jumped up and is screaming Izuku's name like he's All Might or something, mostly made of general education and business students. Katsuki sees Izuku wave at them on the giant monitors around the stadium.

Midnight cracks her whip, signalling the start of the match, and Katsuki finally meets Izuku's eyes. They're dark in a way that makes him think of shoes left behind the roof railings, and it distracts him for a moment. When he rips his gaze away to look for any gadgets that he'll need to watch for, he finds nothing. Izuku is wearing his normal shoes (not the red ones, he thinks those were left on the roof) and there is nothing hanging around his waist. Izuku is totally defenseless.

The reason why is apparent a moment later.

Izuku turns around and starts walking towards the line encircling the arena, a clear dismissal of Katsuki. You're not worth my effort, his retreating back scoffs, have fun in first place, loser. Emotions well up in Katsuki again, laced with panic, because Izuku is leaving. Like last time, walking away after trying to jump off the fucking school roof, he's just leaving. Like Katsuki is some stranger, not a kid he grew up with. Like Katsuki is not worth the time it takes to glance his way. It hurts somehow, even knowing this is all his fault.

So, he does what he always does when the sting of hurt reaches his chest.

"Running away? What else should I have expected from a stupid Deku?"

He lashes out.

Izuku stops two steps from the line, still not looking back, but at least he's not walking away anymore. For a moment, nobody moves. Then Izuku takes another step. It's a challenge, that step, telling Katsuki that he's going to lose in the way that matters if he doesn't stop Izuku. If he wants a fight, he has better hurry it the hell up. 

So he charges, and with a roar, throws a punch lit up with ignited nitroglycerin at Izuku's back. He's so close to making contact, to hitting Izuku just like their middle school days when he would roll with Katsuki's moods and take the beatings. But this isn't middle school. Izuku is not playing along anymore. Katsuki's fist does not connect with it's target. 

Izuku spins and grabs his wrist and the front of his uniform and flips Katsuki over his shoulder.

Right out of bounds.

The two of them stare at each other as the crowd goes absolutely insane around them. Why? Why does he always lose to Izuku? What the hell is wrong with him?! Katsuki pushes himself up off the ground, expression stormy. Midnight grabs Izuku's arm and pulls him over to the middle of the arena to show him off again.

"M-MIDORIYA WINS!" Present Mic announces distantly, as Katsuki uses the hero's distraction to storm out of the arena. "WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED?"

"I did. You owe me money." Aizawa-sensei's voice answers. Another hero is waiting in the exit tunnel, Cementoss or something, but Katsuki can't be half-assed to remember names right now. He rushes past him without waiting.

"Hey, where are you going?" He calls after Katsuki. "You gotta be here to get your medal!"

"Give it to that Todoroki bastard, hell if I care!" Katsuki shouts back. He doesn't deserve a medal, and he doesn't want second place. And definitely not to Izuku. "I'm going the fuck home!"

And if later he almost breaks his phone looking at a picture of the award ceremony, with Izuku on first, Half'n'Half on second, and that purple asshole on third, well that's no one's business but his own.