•Chapter 4•

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"Aghh, I'm sorry! That sounds gay, w-which I'm not despite what-I didn't-I like y-..." Evan mumbled trying to explain his words to Connor and his-own-self.

"Evan,"

"I'm really confused Connor, I don't even know why I'm so-fuck! I wish I could just talk to you like a normal person!" Evan felt his heart beating faster, his breaths getting incredibly shallow.

"Evan Hansen," Connor sternly says, "you don't have to apologize I actually wanted to tell you something.. I'm dead so it may be too late but-"

The sound of Ev's door creaking open, revealing his tired mother. Her hair was disheveled and she looked like she hadn't slept in days, Evan avoids eye contact to make sure the tears pricking the corner of his eyes would go unnoticed. She walks in and hugs him, telling him about her day and what they'll be eating for dinner. The living boy starts spacing out, looking at Connor who was giving Ev's mother all his attention.

"Evan," his mother says, losing all emotion in her voice, "you were gone from school today... and yesterday..."

"How'd you-I-I'm sorry mom I just... I missed the bus and you were already at work-my sleep is-I slept in," he stammers, collecting all his confidence. "How'd you know?"

"A nice boy in a red hoodie is at the door, you should see him." Evan wracked his brain for anyone whom he knew wore red, not realizing that it was Michael Mell until he bumped into the hoodie itself.

"Sorry! I-I bumped into..."

"Hey no sweat dude... I didn't see you at school at all and was worried, i-is this about.."

"Yes..."

The silence hung heavy, the weight of Connor's death on their shoulders. Evan just grips his cast and sighs, coming to realize that not everyone else could see Con's ghost. Michael scratches the back of his neck and begins to let his next sentence come in sloppy fragments.

"Listen man... Come sit with me and my buddy tomorrow, it isn't much. The moment I saw you walk out if the office it looked like you had thrown up.. Connor Murphy must have been important to you."

"He is," Evan says quietly, he didn't notice that there were tears coming out of his eyes until he felt the warmness of them on his cold cheek. Having no self-control Evan buries his face in Michael's hoodie and sobbing quietly, the boy in said hoodie just sighed and held Evan close and comforted him.

Connor, with his arms tightly around Evan, breaks down too.


The next day at school Evan opens his locker, already wanting to go home and cry in the comfort of his own bed. Connor watching as Evan's entire persona shifted, his posture became worse and his voice was significantly quieter. Ev stares at the ghost in confusion as it seems he has a look of realization, Evan was going to ask but his locker slamming stole his attention.

"His parents think you're lovers you realize that right?"

"W-what?" Evan asks with his face becoming cherry red. Jared grabs his shoulders and starts laughing without looking away.

"That fantasy about the orchard you told his family,"

"Wh-Why would they?" Jared cuts him off with a full on belly-laugh, trying to compose himself.

"You were best friends but he wouldn't let you talk to him at school, and when you did he'd kick your ass!" Jared laughs at his own words, "that's like the perfect formula for secret, gay, high school lovers."

"Oh my god," Evan runs his hand through his hair stressed out.

"I told you man! Just nod and confirm," Jared acts out firmly with his hands what should have been done, Evan shrinks back submitting to the realization that he messed up.

"I tried, b-but I just started talking, and I-I couldn't stop and I-they listened so, I couldn't,"

"You couldn't stop?"

"I didn't want to stop... I..." Evan closed his mouth tightly and Jared just sighs, Evan panics and mumbles out, "We can fix this,"

"How?" Jared puts his arm on Ev's shoulder with a sly smile.

"I told them we wrote emails..." Evan closes his eyes and smiles at the thought of him and Connor sending out emails to each other about how their days were, how college is... how their lives together were-like buddies do.

"Emails?" Jared raises an eyebrow inquisitively.

"Y-Yeah! I said that Connor had a secret email account and-"

"Oh! Yeah! One of those secret email accounts, where you'd send pictures of your penises to each other!"
...

"So yeah we would write emails to each other and-Oh my god they'll want to see the emails!" Evan slams his head against the locker, panicking immensely.

"I can do emails, Evan don't worry about it," Jared says accompanied by a cocky smirk, "it'll just cost 2,000 dollars,"

"2k for emails?" Evan pulls on his hair out of stress from the unreasonable request.

"$500?"

"I can give you $20..?"

"Fine, but you're a dick!" Jared exclaims before shaking Evan's hand and walking off to his cooler friends. Ev is left to walk to his first period with only a ghost at his side.

Settling into first period long before the bell Evan looks to Connor who is sitting on his desk with an unreadable expression. Evan reaches to touch his knee for his attention, but the ethereal nature of the ghost allowed for Evan's hand to pass right through him.

"So your plan is to lie to my parents that we were best friends... with emails?" Connor inquired.

"I know it sounds dumb Connor, but I can't leave Zoe-er-your whole family without consolation... and at the least, closure." Evan holds his head in his hands, "The only thing they have left of you is a suicide note that's addressed to me and it not even yours..."

Connor shrugs and Evan thought, 'if you see it as a good idea, then who fucking cares?' He looks to Connor with a dreamy expression and nods at his blatant statement.

"Good luck on the emails then Evan, I'll be there for you though..." Connor shoves his hands in his pocket and blows hair from his face, "I don't mind you coming up with all of this cause it makes me feel like we have friends, playing in trees driving around... having fun together,"

"Like friends do,"

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