Old Sepia Pages

18. vision

20th september, friday, 2019

dear diary,

All around me, I see people who have become robotic and have settled into a routine and now do things without even thinking them through. Go to a job, come home, watch TV, sleep. They don't spend time with themselves. I bet if they did, they too would have some opinion about the world and would like to change things instead of just riding the tides. Honestly, the root of every single problem in the world is people not being in touch with themselves and not knowing why they do what they do and not questioning what they do. I know I write about this all the time, but I can't get over it.

There are very few people who are passionate about a social cause or something. People who actually have a purpose and wake up excited every day to achieve it. I'll tell you what. Let's say someone wants to be an IAS and help the world. Kids usually think this way. They are positive and innocent. So they get into coaching. But slowly they grow up and get influenced by others' desires of getting more marks and having power, because, well, education in India is more about competing than about learning. They lose sight of their goal, forgetting why they started. And then, even if they do become successful, they don't know what to do anymore and why they're here, and get swept by the wave of corruption. Or let's say there's a doctor who wants a big car and a house et al. He actually chose this profession because as a kid, he wanted to heal people, but he's forgotten that now.

That's why, before getting into anything, it's important to clearly write down what you want, so that you know why you're going in there and where you're going. They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fighting for.

Someone said if you ever wanna quit, just remember why you started. I've made this my mantra. What better way to stay satisfied in life than by writing what you want and slowly striking the items out?

You know, I had thought a lot about what college would be like. I used to make plans: I would be friendly, popular, I'd have a new start, this, that. I looked at cool seniors on Instagram and decided that I would be one of them, and I planned the stuff I would do as a cool senior and what exactly people will think of me, and I used to look at uncool seniors and plan what I wasn't going to do. It's easy to sit outside, look in, and judge people on what they do without knowing why they do that.

Now, seeing what college is actually like, those images have ceased to exist in my mind, because they're not compatible with the situation. I can't visualize them happening anymore. I wish I had written them down so I could have a clear idea of how to create my ideal college experience. How to live the experience that the younger me wanted to live, not the present me whose thoughts have been shaped by coming here and learning what is possible and what is not and by sort of 'adjusting' to this place.

My forte has always been to not acknowledge that limits exist. It's how I've gotten things done even when people have told me it wasn't possible. It's how I gathered the guts to start a petition in school against the shitty canteen, and it's how I was able to deal with the consequences when I failed. I wasn't terrified of the principal. Fear creates a mental blockage and if that happens, we can't get shit done. But in college, I've obviously compromised. I want to push the limits. The way to do that is to not accept that the limits exist at all. I want to go out, travel alone, meet people, fall in love, do the things I had planned to do.

See, there's something called a Vision.

And there's a whole path between your vision and its achievement.

Let's say I'm on top of a tower which is in a forest. From there, I see my destination. I make a plan. Then I come down and even though I can't see the place anymore because of all the trees, I know the general direction in which I have to walk. On my way, I encounter a big boulder. Now, I didn't foresee this, and so I change my direction a little, but I keep walking. I make changes according to the situation, and I keep walking. This doesn't guarantee that I will reach my destination. It's possible that I soon forget where I was going, why I started walking, and all I know is that I just have to walk, I have to keep going, and I have to make it through this. I do still have a vague idea, a general sense of direction. But when I finally come out of the forest, I realize I'm not where I wanted to be. I've ended up a bit to the left or to the right. Sometimes, this place could be better than my actual destination, sometimes not.

Now, let's imagine I had a compass, or I was able to climb a tree every few hours to get that view from the top and to see what my goal actually was. Wouldn't I have had better chances of reaching where I wanted to?

That's why it's always important to remember why you started, to know what you're working towards, and where you want to be. You have to keep in touch with your inspiration. It's easier to see what's happening from the outside, and to make a note of the mistakes you won't make. Because when it comes to creative things, you can easily lose yourself in the process. But writing your goals and putting them up on the wall and looking at them everyday acts as the compass. Before becoming a creator, you're a viewer and you need to understand what people like, who you are, and how you think, because it's gonna help you understand your audience when you're a creator.

When you actually get into something, you realize it wasn't what it seemed from the outside. You learn new stuff. You meet boulders. So you adjust according to that. You compromise. And it can limit you, can hurt your creativity. If you really want to stand out, you need to be able to perfectly execute what you have envisioned. The process between your vision and destination is something that needs to be dealt with carefully.

Ever since I realized this, before beginning any new story, I write the one scene which I have in my head, the one scene which made me believe that the story was worth writing after all. I preserve the raw thoughts so that I stay closer to where I wanted to be.

❄