Tony's POV
Today. Today is the day that I confront these mother fuckers. I let them stay in my home and yet this is how they repay me. The audacity.
I need to meditate.
~~~~Time skip brought to you by Thanos' thicc booty~~~~
Steve's POV
"Tony, my pride and joy. What the actual fuck are you doing?" I look at my stubborn husband that is currently meditating in his giraffe onesie.
"No," He raised his hand to signal me to stop, "sit." Not wanting to argue I sat next to him and waited.
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Third Person
It took about half an hour for everyone to show and here is Tony meditating. He won't speak to anyone, not even Mor. Everyone has been sitting in the living room staring at each other for a good five minutes now.
"It's good to see all of you here." Tony stated, dramatically opening his eyes for effect.
Tony's POV
I opened my eyes and saw my whole disgraceful family staring at me.
"Everyone please rise for our special guest," No one rises, "RISE YOU BITCHES." Everybody rises out of there seats looking quit confused.
"I would like to introduce the man, the myth, the legend, Dr. Phillip McGraw." I exaggerated. It was honestly quite the hoot as to how I met Mr. Dr. Phil. But that is a story for another day.
Everyone awkwardly began to clap, others not knowing what to do. "This is exactly why we're here you are all disrespectful shits."
"That's why we're all here?" Loki questions very annoyed.
"One of the many MANY reasons. Yes."
"Ok Dr. Phil you've done your job. Leave."
"But I-I didn't do anything.."
"Yes I know but this is a private family meeting. Your more then welcome to come to our Christmas party."
Dr. Phil leaves.
"That man is not invited to our Christmas party."
"Can you tell us why the fuck we're here?" Peter says impatiently.
"Language!" Steve scolds.
"I would be delighted to enlighten you fuckers. First, guess who's back, back again. Thanos is back, our lovely homophobic neighbor."
"What does that have to do with us?" Loki asked looking annoyed.
"LET ME FINISH, YOU FUCKING BITCH."
"Why can't we just be a normal family?" Steve muttered under his breath.
"You know lover boy we aren't normal whatsoev- where's your suit?"
"My what"
"Your suit. The one I bought you specifically for these meetings."
"I didn't think you actually expected me to where that, honey."
"No. Just no, I can't even look at you right now." I said, blocking out Steve with my hand.
"And you!!" I say pointing to my lovely, beautiful daughter, "Go put on your pretty red dress I bought you."
"You aren't even dressed up dummy, you are wearing a onesie." MJ pointed out.
"THAT IS NOT THE POINT! As I was saying before you all rudely interrupted me, As you all know Mor has recently returned from camp. She has made this gorgeous macaroni necklace, now she has made the decision to give it to Loki."
"FUCK YES." Loki interrupted yet again.
"BUT, as her father I feel that it is my place to give you guys the equal opportunity to purchase this priceless piece of art."
"Purchase?" Sam questions.
"Yes bird boy, you heard correctly. Purchase. In thirty seconds an auction will commence."
"What's an auction?" Mor's tiny voice rang out from the hall. The group looked back to see her wearing her an expensive dress, but atop her head was placed a Burger King crown messily painted over with yellow paint, gold sparkles, and princess stickers that looked like they were purchased from the dollar store.
"Oh tiny princess what is on your head?" Thor asked her.
"Bucky Bear made it for me." She answered walking over to Bucky and crawling onto his lap.
"Ok so it's been more than thirty seconds. AUCTION TIME." I screamed waiting for the chaos to erupt.
"$500"
"Steve, honey. If you want this you need to fight for it."
"$1,000"
"$5,000"
"$10,000"
"ONE MILLION DOLLARS!!"
"Bucky, baby, you don't have one million dollars. Where would you get that money." Sam looked at Bucky like he was a fish with three heads.
"I know a guy." Bucky informed his soon-to-be husband. Loki then walked over to Tony, grabbed the necklace, then disappeared into thin air.
"Where the hell did he go now?" I was honestly quite disappointed, that auction was amusing, but they didn't even get into the billions, amateurs.
"Sorry about that. I wanted the necklace. So I took it. Now back to the meeting." Loki states popping out of no where.
"Lastly, the real reason I have gathered you here today, WHO ATE MY GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKING PIZZA!"
"Oh that was me."
Everyone turns around to see a strange man in a black and red spandex suit.
"Hiya guys I'm Deadpool nice to meet ya! Big fan of your work!"
"Especially yours. Oh my tiger." Deadpool says sitting on Loki's lap.
"GET OFF ME YOU DISGUSTING VERMEN." Loki yells pushing Deadpool off of him.
"Not there yet. Ok that's fine. We'll get there, baby boy." Deadpool winked making a Loki roll his eyes in response.
"Ummm I hate to interrupt this revolutionary family meeting, but I have some people waiting in the car. I didn't think the meeting would be this long." Peter said interrupting Deadpool.
"Peter, this meeting has been like an hour long." Wanda says looking quite worried.
"Oh no you don't have to worry they have munchies with them. They have A LOT of munchies."
"Please. Please Peter do not tell me they are sto-"
"PEEETTEEERRRRRR" Everyone looked outside the window confused.
JJ is flailing his arms through the sun roof of the car yelling, "PETER HELP WE'RE LOCKED IN THE CAR *cough* THERE IS TOO MUCH SMOKE WE'RE SUFFOCATING!!!HELP!!"
"Bucky go put Mor to bed. This isn't for a child's innocent eyes." I say.
"Steve Tony this is the guy I've been telling you about, my boyfriend. JJ Thompson." Peter said, watching his boyfriend stumble his way out of the car.
"Peter your boyfriend is high. He made a fucking smoke box out of your car. How does one boy smoke that much weed? I thought I smoked a lot." I stated looking at Peter.
"If it's any consolation it wasn't just one guy."
"What the actual fuckity fuck do you mean."
"Mikey his roommate." Peter says opening the door just to have a second boy fall to the ground then popping up immediately.
"Why hello there you magnificent looking piece of bread." Mikey slurs, stumbling over to Thor.
"Peter why is this twelve year old high?" I questioned, looking at Peter.
"EXCUSE ME I AM NOT A TWELVE YEAR OLD CHILD. I AM A TWENTY YEAR OLD MAN." Mikey yelled clinging onto Thor's bicep.
"Not much of a man, but whatever you say sweetie." Nat says.
"Ok everyone just ignore him right now," Peter says, "Now back to my boyfriend. This is JJ Thompson, we go to the same college. Trust me he's not like this when he's sober."
"I want to get to know this man you've been speaking so highly of just not when he's high." Steve says.
"Then it's settled this Saturday at 6 we will have a family dinner getting to know JJ." I say.
"Can Mikey come I'm kinda his emotional support puppy." JJ says hanging around my shoulder.
"He is more than welcome to come at anytime." Thor smirks jokingly.
"Well this was an eventful evening, until Saturday." I say.
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AUTHORS NOTE
We hope you all enjoyed our first official chapter. Please comment your favorite parts and what you think so far. Any ships you wanna see form as of now? We're really excited to know and see your guys reaction SO LET US KNOW!!
-💋💋MJ
